Relax, I've Got You
by Mt1234
Summary: 8th year, They've won the final battle, and for the first time, Harry is going to be a normal student, no Voldermort to worry about. Aside from the fact that he is one of the worlds most loved wizards of course. War has left him with one to many scars, he's alone and empty. Nothing makes him feel. The only person makes his heart beats faster and blood boil. Draco Malfoy.
1. Chapter 1

The Hogwarts express left from platform 9 3/4 at 11am sharp, just like any other year. Except this wasn't just like any other year. Voldermort was gone, and Harry was just going to be a normal student, aside from the fact that he was the saviour of the wizarding world of course. It was going to be different, and Harry knew it, he was different. The final battle had nearly crushed him. He'd died, for Merlins sake, and so had so many of his friends, people he'd called his family. The only difference was he'd come back and they hadn't and Harry felt so guilty for that. None of them had deserved to die, how was it fair that he'd survived? The summer that followed had been long and lonely for Harry. Physically, he was never by himself. The Weaslys had welcomed him back with open arms along with the rest of the wizarding word. There had been balls and speeches and galas held in his honour. However, Harry had never felt more isolated. The Weaslys felt their grief for Fred in a way that Harry could not, they were family by blood, after all and Harry would always be an outsider in that sense. Ron and Hermione had been there for him, of course, and he knew how worried they were about him, but they had each other now and they were so in love. He was happy for them, but it still hurt when his best friends left him out. Him and Ginny hadn't gotten back together. He still loved her, but not in the same way, she was more a sister than a girlfriend to him. He didn't feel the same passion when the war was over, being with her did nothing to lift the dead weight that seemed to have settled on his chest. Remus was gone, Dumbledore, Snape, Sirius, his parents; it seemed as if one by one, everyone he knew and loved was moving on, leaving him behind, because however hard he tried, Harry couldn't put the war behind him. He still had nightmares, every night each feeling just as real as the final battle did, until he woke, shouting and sweating. His contrast tiredness left him with dark bags under his eyes, his skin pale. He didn't eat much, even with Mrs Weaslys persuasion and so he was thin, thinner than he normally was. In all he looked and felt terrible.

'Come in Harry', Hermione said cheerfully as they settled into an empty carriage, 'it's a new year, a fresh start'.

She was right, and he smiled back at her, but he still felt empty inside. Nothing made him really feel anymore, there was none of his old passion left. Sometimes he was sad, sometimes he was happy, but it was always a dulled.

The train ride was long, so they set about occupying themselves, Ron and Harry with a furious game if wizards chess, which Harry inevitably lost, Hermione flicking through her charms textbook. Ginny and Luna joined them shortly after they departed, chatting and giggling happily together. It was comfortable and companionable, and Harry relaxed, content, but he knew it wouldn't last. He knew someone would say something, or do something and he'd remember, and fall back down the rabbit hole again, into his depression. It didn't take long.

An hour into the journey, the compartment door slid open, revealing a tall blonde boy, flocked by a smaller, dark haired girl and boy. Draco Malfoy.

'Potter', Malfoy said coldly in greeting.

Harry felt his blood boil. Malfoy and his mother he sided with them in the final battle. Malfoy had saved them at the manor by not betraying who they were to his father, and then Narcissa had saved Harry again in the forbidden forest. When Harry had been brought back to the castle, in Hagrids arms, seemingly dead, Malfoy had refused to come and join Voldermort and his family, and had fought the rest of the battle out with the light. He'd ultimately escaped any sort of punishment for his part in the war and was returning to Hogwarts with Harry and fronds for their 8th year. That didn't mean, however, that him and Harry were going to be friends.

'What do you want Malfoy?', he spat angrily, his cheeks bizarrely flushing at the sight of the tall boy looming over him.

'You look like shit Potter, what have you done to yourself?', Harry scowled at Malfoy's bluntness, although let's face it, he was right.

'Malfoy...', Harry snarled warningly'

Malfoy rolled his eyes dramatically at Harry's attempt to be threatening. 'Pansy, Blaine and I just thought it was appropriate to start the year off as...civil as possible'.

Harry didn't miss the way Malfoy avoiding saying friendly, and he was glad. Someone who made him feel this much...hate? anger?...whatever it was, with only a few words, certainly wasn't someone he wanted to be friends with. Malfoy would never be his friend.

'Wonderful idea Malfoy', Hermione said beaming, 'there isn't a whole lot of eighth years, so it's best we all try to get along'.

Malfoy nodded at her curtly, and then the three Slytherins were gone, the door shutting behind them.

'What was that all about?' Malfoy's not being a git- , Ron asked, then, noticing Harry's scowl, corrected, 'I mean, as much of a hit as normal.'

'Didn't you listen Ronald?', Hermione chided, 'we need to turn a new page this year. It's our last year at Hogwarts and the war is over'.

'Doesn't mean we have to be friends', Harry said sulkily.

'No, but we do need to be nice', Hermione said, rather as if she was addressing a toddler.

'I still don't trust him'.

Ron nodded in agreement with Harry, scowling along with the brown haired bit at his impatient girlfriend.

'Harry, he fought with us, only a few months ago! I'll bet he's had a hard time of it since, last thing he needs is you breathing down his neck!'

'Hermione! I just meant I think we should watch-'

'Merlin Harry, we don't need another year of you obsessing over Malfoy. He sided with us, so however much you dislike him, remember that he's not one of the bad guys. We got rid of the bad guys'. She shot back.

'I did not obsess over Malfoy!' Harry said defensively.

'Oh please', Hermione said, rolling her eyes.

'Of course you didn't', Ginny said patronisingly, patting his arm.

Harry scowled at her, then looked to Ron for help.

'Sorry mate, but, well, you know...'

Harry let out an indignant sigh as Hermione grinned smugly. He wasn't going to win this one.

'Well I don't care. I'm not his friend'.

His friends chuckled silently, and then everyone drifted back into their casual conversations. Harry on the other hand, was in a foul mood now, all because of Malfoy and his stupid face. And his stupid friends. And his stupid- bloody hell, Harry thought to himself, stop thinking about Malfoy. But he couldn't and so the bad mood continued.

Pansy and Blaise weren't keen on the idea of Draco Draco approaching Harry and his friends, but there was no stopping him. Draco got what he wanted. The only thing he wasn't going to get was Harry. That damn boy, the only thing he could think about all summer. Pansy had spent her summer trying to convince Draco that being in love with Harry Potter of all people was the worst idea in the whole world, even worse than getting the dark mark, but it wasn't like Draco could help it. It wasn't like he wanted to obsess over the small, skinny, beautiful boy who was supposed to be his biggest rival. Blaise was just fed up of hearing about the daft Gryffindor that Draco couldn't seem to shut up about.

And Draco knew that it was ridiculous, that Harry hated him, but why not have some fun with it, he was going to suffer either way. He hadn't seen Harry since the final battle, dirty and bloody, his face stained with tears, absolutely exhausted and weak. The newspapers had headlined him daily and a letter at his court hearing from the boy had been the only indication of his existence to Draco. When he'd seen Harry, he'd been shocked. Skinner and paler then he'd ever seen him, Harry looked ill and sad. His eyes didn't sparkle in the way they used to, he didn't smile so much... Merlin, since when has Draco become such a Hufflepuff! Even so, it was very hard not to worry about Harry, and even harder not take Harry into his arms and make him sleep and eat, until he was better. Until he looked like Harry again. At least they would be civil to each other this year. At least Draco didn't have to act like he hated him completely.

Another couple of hours past like the first few in Harry's compartment. They chatted and ate and slept. They all changed into their robes it was growing dark outside as the train pulled into the station. Harry couldn't quite decide how he felt. This place held so many bad memories for him, but also so many good ones. He felt frozen in his seat, couldn't get up. He felt a hand grasp his, an arm slide around his shoulders.

'I know', Hermione whispered. 'We can make new ones'

He smiled at her gratefully, her eyes were sparkling with tears.

'Come on mate', ruffling his hair affectionately, and Harry felt a rush of love for his best friends. How could he feel so alone when they were so good to him? He knew that whatever happened, they'd always be there for him. They were there for each other. Together, the trio made there way off the train, onto the platform, Hogwarts castle looming impressively on the horizon under the stars.

'Bring on eight year', Harry said, putting on a brave face. He could do this.


	2. Chapter 2

They made their way to the carriages. This year, Harry could tell that a great number more of the students could see the thestrals, the older ones in particular. A lot of them had been present for the final battle and a lot of people had died.

'Shit', Ginny said in astonishment as she looked up at the great beasts.

'Don't worry, they won't hurt you', Luna said, smiling happily at the horse like creature that was standing above them.

Nevertheless, Ginny still looked nervous as she edged round and clambered up into the cart. Harry and Luna grinned at each other, they'd seen them plenty before.

Harry followed his friends into the carriage. Then he froze. What he hadn't realised was the carriage was already occupied, by Draco Malfoy and his friends. Could he not catch a break, Harry though in exasperation! There was only one seat left, next to the blonde. Harry felt nervous butterflies flit in his stomach, and his heart beat faster. What, it's just Malfoy, he told himself, no big deal, his awfulness won't rub off on you. That's probably why he was feeling so jittery at the thought of being so close to Malfoy.

'Sit down Potter, we haven't got all day', Malfoy drawled.

Reluctantly Harry took his seat. Ron gave him a sympathetic shrug and mouthed sorry. So much for friends, Harry thought with a scowl.

The journey to the castle was awkward. They all sat in silence, glancing quickly at each other, then looking away when eye contact was made. Malfoy however, was outright starting at Harry. What was he looking at? Did he want to start a fight, cause Harry sure was getting wound up. Squirming under the intensity of it, he fought hard to to avoid eye contact. Harry wasn't renowned for his patience however, and it didn't take long for it to snap.

'Stop staring at me Malfoy', he muttered, whipping round to face the blonde. They were a lot closer than Harry had thought, even though he'd pressed himself as far away from the other boy as possible.

'Why should I', Malfoy said with a sneer.

The proximity made his stomach flutter again. Ignore it he told himself.

'Because'. Harry said.

Malfoy sneered at him. 'I'll look where I want, Potter'.

'Yeah, but- well.', Harry started, but he was feeling to worked up right now to formulate a good comeback. He could feel Malfoy's warm breath on his face, sweet smelling- stop it Harry.

'Why are you looking at him in the first place?', Ron snapped, rising to the occasion in Harry's defence.

'Isn't it obvious', Pansy muttered, rolling her eyes.

The glare Malfoy sent her was cold enough to freeze fire. Pansy merely smirked at him, and she rolled her eyes again playfully. It was enough however, to halt Malfoy in his tracks, and the blonde boy huffed frustratedly, arms crossed in a grumpy fashion.

They fell back into awkward silence, pansy grinning smugly to herself, Malfoy, Harry and Ron all sulking, Hermione glancing between the blonde and brown haired boy curiously. Harry didn't like it. Eventually, finally, they arrived at the castle gates. Harry scrambled out as quick as he could, he needed to get away from Malfoy as quickly as possible, it wasn't good for his heart, or his sanity. Why did the blonde always manage to rile him up like this, it was ridiculous.

The students traipsed through the gates and across the sweeping lawn, to the steps of the magnificent castle. If Draco hadn't have known, he wouldn't have been able to tell that only a couple of months ago, the greatest battle in the modern wizarding world had taken place here, bringing half the castle down with it. It was just like he remembered, and it felt like home again. His last few years here hadn't exactly been enjoyable, but this year, this year would be great. He could feel it. Voldemort was gone, his father was finally in Azkaban, he had Pansy and Blaise with him to also complete their eighth year. The only problem was Potter. Potter, with his scar and infuriatingly messy hair and bright green eyes. Potter, with his total and complete lack of language skills, and endearing blush. Potter, whom, in the lead up to the final battle, Draco he realised he was absolutely and completely in love with. It had come as quite a shock, it had hit him hard. It was the day when Harry and his friends had been captured and brought to the manor. Seeing the boy in such a state, in so much danger had forced Draco to acknowledge the strong feelings he was harbouring for him. Then, in the final battle, when Harry had saved him...and then Harry had died, and Draco had felt as though a part of him died with him. Believing Harry was gone in those long, long minutes had nearly broken him. Because Harry didn't love Draco, didn't even like him. Draco couldn't help but be nasty to the boy, who was all to easy to tease. He just felt so bitter, because this boy was going to ruin his perfect year. Why should he have to pine after someone so ridiculous, with absolutely no prospects of anything coming out of it. He couldn't help but stares the him however, he was only human, and Harry was ever so pretty. Handsome. Sexy. Merlin, don't do this to yourself, Draco thought.

'Did you have to be so blatant about it Draco', Pansy teased when the three friends finally reached the Slytherins table in the great hall.

'What', Draco snapped darkly, daring her to go on.

'Mooning over Potter, I thought you'd decided to forget about him?'.

'He sighed heavily. 'Well Pansy, it's not that easy, but considering you don't have a heart, I don't expect you to understand'.

Pansy glared at him icily, as Blaise draped a long arm over his girlfriends shoulders.

'Don't worry Pans. Poor old Draco here just doesn't like not getting whatever he wants'. They smirked at each other, making Draco scowl even harder.

'Oh shut up', he muttered. The problem was, they were right. He did want Potter, very much. He glanced up, straight at the Gryffindor table. Grey eyes met green ones. The green eyes widened nervously, quickly darting away. Draco could see Harry's flush from here and grinned to himself. He did enjoy the effect he had on Harry since they'd met on the train, Harry seemed extremely flustered, extremely reactive to even the tiniest of things Draco did.

Dinner was as fabulous as always, everything you could possibly ever want to eat laid out before them in a fantastic spread. After the sorting, in which the sorting hat sang a rather morbid song about the trails of the previous year - Draco noted Harry's face pale drastically as he listened- they tucked in, eating jovially, happy chattering filling the hall. Draco was pleased to see that Harry was managing to polish off a great deal of food, especially a large helping of treacle tart. Stop beings such a Hufflepuff, Draco scolded himself, stop caring. Gradually the food was cleared, everyone feeling very full. Then Mcgonagall stood. She looked older than she had, the stress of the war had taken its toll, but she wielded her knew power extremely well, Draco thought. She would make an excellent headmistress. It was the usual welcome speech, hope you had a good summer, new year, fresh start and all that. Draco didn't really listen, rather engaged himself in a dramatic staring contest with Pansy. It wasn't until eight years were mentioned that his attention was captured.

'Of I could ask all returning eight years to remain seated, whilst the rest of you make your way to the dormitories', she piped in her Scottish accent, 'timetables will be available at breakfast tomorrow, lessons will start properly after as normal, goodnight'.

Confused, Draco and his fellow eighth years remained seated as the other students filtered out. When they had all left, Mcgonagal addressed them, friendlier and more familiar than she had seemed before, a warm smile on her face. Only a small handful of students had returned, only about 5 from Slytherins, him, Pansy and Blaise obviously, as well as Nott and Bulstrode. In Gryffindor, it was Harry and his minions, Granger and Weasly, Longbottom, Thomas and Finnegan. There were a couple of Ravenclaws and Hufflepuffs too, but Draco would absolutely have nothing to do with them, if circumstances allowed. He'd only interact with the Gryffindors because that meant Harry.

'Welcome back', she said, 'I'm glad you've all decided to return to complete your final year. I know we've lost friends and classmates, we're all suffering, but let's make this count for them. Obviously eighth years aren't a regular occurrence at Hogwarts, so we don't have space for you in your regular house dormitories. Consequently, we have renovated a corridor on the seventh floor where you will all be sleeping, you'll take classes as normal and may sit where you choose at meal times. I take it you'd all opt to sit with former houses, but it's up to you. If any of you should need anything, anything at all, my office is always open'

Draco could see her eyes tearing slightly, and felt a jolt in his stomach, as he saw, glancing over at Harry, that the boys eyes were swimming too. Actually, most of the other students were looking somber, a Hufflepuff girl was actually crying. I guess it's going to be difficult to adjust, he thought. Luckily, he was a Malfoy, and Malfoy's took things in their stride. All except Harry. He kept tripping up over him, and Draco never stumbled before now. It was just ridiculous.

'Now, I'll show you all to the dorms, it's not difficult to find. Rooms will be for four, and don't get excited', her voice rose as the students started to chatter excitedly about who'd room with who, 'It's already been decided who you'll share with, it was the easiest way forward.' There was an audible groan, but Mcgonagal showed no mercy as she started off out of the hall, and off into the castle. Hopefully she has some humanity and hast roomed me with Pottet, Draco thought bitterly, he didn't think he could last a whole year sleeping beside him, but not actually with him, it might be what finally drive him over the edge.

Harry was glad dinner was over. He'd been hungry, but it had been hard to enjoy his dinner when so many people were staring at him and talking about him. He'd also noticed the large gaggle of girls that had batted their eyelids at him, giggling throughout. He hoped that wasn't going to become a habit, it was the last thing he needed. Maybe it was going to be a good thing that the eighth years would be in a new place this year, he knew none of his friends would treat him like some exotic celebrity, he could just be himself. Gryffindor common room might be a bit hard to navigate with all the hysterical girls and avid fans. Multiple flights of stairs and corridors later, they finally arrived in front of a long brick wall at the end of a long, windowless corridor. Great, Harry thought, I'm going to get totally lost everyday, because I've no idea what the way back to the great hall is. Mcgonagal raised her wand and tapped on a slightly darker brick, about halfway up the wall at about Harry's shoulder height. 'Innitium Ovum', she muttered, then, 'that will be your password for this term'.

New start, Draco thought shrewdly, seemed fitting.

'Well, I'll let you all get settled, and I expect everyone down for breakfast to collect timetables tomorrow. Classes will be taken with the seventh years to make things simpler for your professors. You'll find room allocations on each door. Goodnight'.

With that, she went, leaving the forlorn eight years to go and explore there new quarters with trepidation.


	3. Chapter 3

The common room was wonderful. It reminded Harry of a cosy cabin in the mountains, not that he'd ever been to a cosy cabin in the mountains, or on holiday anywhere for that matter. There was a massive window with a panoramic view out onto the lake that was absolutely breathtaking, and big fluffy pillows sat all along the deep ledge for the students to sit and look out. There was a huge fireplace, and a circle of extremely comfortable looking armchairs and sofas, a dark coffee table in the middle. A deep red rug blanketed the floor, and in the corner of the room there were tables with chairs and little lamps for studying. Harry could definitely learn to love it in here, maybe not as much as the Gryffindor common room, but it was nicer than he expected. Ron seemed to agree as he slapped Harry's shoulder lightly with a grin. 'It's alright in here mate!'

Hermione was smiling too, clasping her boyfriends hand happily.

'Oh I'm so glad we're back', she squealed suddenly, pulling the two boys into a hug. Harry and Ron rolled their eyes at each other, but hugged her back all the same. Truthfully, Harry was glad to be back too, even if he didn't feel so happy at the moment. Maybe this was what he needed to pull himself out of this- this pit he'd fallen into since the war. Ron had to go and ruin their little moment however.

'Don't get too excited yet mione', he said, 'we still don't know who were sleeping with'.

It was Hermione's turn to roll her eyes at them, accompanied by a head shake and tutting.

'I for one am going to make the most of this year, there isn't any point not trying to make friends with whoever I end up with anyway', she lead the way down a corridor that led off the common room, doors leading off to the different rooms, still talking, 'we might surprise ourselves'.

'I doubt it', Ron muttered with a groan, coming to stop in front of a door about halfway down. 'I don't believe it, this is awful, does she want us to die this year? Why not put us in with Neville or something? Even Finch-Fletchly would be better than this!', he banged his head against the wood.

Hermione scowled at him, disapproving, then flounced off to find her room. Harry gulped. He knew who it was going to be, but didn't dare read it. He had to ask, just in case.

'Go on then, what's the verdict', he asked tensely.

'We've got Draco Fucking Malfoy', Ron muttered grumpily, 'and Zabini'.

'Oh' , Harry said, his heart sinking. Maybe Gryffindor dorms would have been better after all...

The two boys entered the room reluctantly. Their trunks had already arrived and sat on their beds. So had their other two room mates. Zabini was lounged out in his bed, eyes closed, Malfoy was meant against his dresser, which was opposite his bed. Which was next to Harry's. Why couldn't they at least have been out at polar ends of the room, but no, they were as close as possible, only about 2m apart. Perfect, Harry thought frustratedly.

'Well, well, well', Malfoy drawled, 'what a lovely surprise Potter. I simply can't wait to spend a year getting to know you amongst your filth with Weasel here'. He raised an eyebrow suggestively at Harry, and Harry blushed, furious at himself for it. What was wrong with him?

'What happened to being nice Malfoy?', he snapped back angrily.

'I never said nice, Potter, just that we might refrain from ripping each other's throats out. I don't do nice'.

'Right', Harry said awkwardly, not sure how to reply to that. It was true, Malfoy hadn't asked them to be kind to each other.

'Right', Malfoy replied mockingly. He straightened up from where he was leaning and sauntered up close to Harry, who was still standing in the doorway. Harry hadn't realised how tall he'd become, he just barely reached his shoulders. He wasn't thin like last year either, still slender, but more muscular and broad shoulders. His face had softened, his jaw line still strong, high cheekbones, and his hair was softer, fringe brushing his forehead, still as white blond as ever. His silver eyes were the most striking, like pools of moonlight, Harry thought. Wait, did he really just think that? About Malfoy? Truth was, however, the blonde boy was shockingly handsome, this was the first time Harry had ever really noticed. He smelled really good too, a deep, musky cologne that drew Harry in. He felt slightly intoxicated by it all for some bizarre reason. He was probably just very tired.

'So here's the deal Potter', Malfoy said, leaning his face down closer to Harry's, who was feeling a bit dizzy now, with that warm, sweet breath washing over his face again. 'You'll stick on your side, and we'll stick to ours, got it?'

Harry nodded vaguely. He didn't things could speak properly at the moment, something was very wrong with his vocal chords. And his heart. And his brain... Merlin knows.

Malfoy smirked at him, drawing back and stepping away. 'Alright there Potter?', he mocked snidely.

Harry flushed again angrily. He couldn't let Malfoy do this to him all year, it was only the first day back and he was already embarrassing himself. He gave the blonde a dirty glare, and stomped over to his bed, slumping exhausted onto it. He was too tired to unpack now, he'd do it tomorrow. The only thing he could think about now was sleep. Ron had the same idea. Harry quickly pulled on some sweatpants and an old t shirt, much to big for him, one of Dudley's old ones, then fell into bed, asleep almost instantly.

It was inevitable that Draco would end up on a room with Potter. Of course, it would be unfair if his year was too good. There had to be some catch that would ruin it for him. Harry was just too delicious, however maybe he could get used to this. Harry was so easy this year, blushing every time they so much as made eye contact, it was, for want of a less Hufflepuff word, completely adorable. Draco cringed at himself for admitting it, but what could he do? Another bonus was seeing a semi naked Harry, as he stripped down and changed without a thought. He may have been thin, but he was muscular, his skin bronzed from the summer sun. Draco wanted to go over and trace his fingers down the dip in his spine. Shame he had to dress in such ugly clothing, even if it was just for sleeping, Draco thought. A top that big hid any sign of abs.

He and Blaise were all to happy to follow suit as Ron and Harry clambered into bed, and within minutes all four were sound asleep, Draco lulled peacefully by Harry's steady breathing. At least he'd get some of Harry, if not in the way he would like.

Draco was woken by a jolt by the sound of screaming and sobbing. It was pitch black and he couldn't see anything. His first instinct was fear. What if he was back in the war, what if he'd just been dreaming. Before he could react however, a lumos charm was cast, and Ron leapt out of his bed. Draco could see now where the screams were coming from. It was Harry. He watched, frozen in shock and horror as the smaller boy convulsed in his bed, a haunting cry ripping from his throat. Ron was by his side in seconds, grabbing Harry's shoulders, shaking him hard.

'Wake up Harry', he whispered hoarsely, 'come on mate'.

Harry's eyes flew open, and he let out another chocked sob that made Draco's heart clench. 'Hey, hey, you had a nightmare', Ron said, still knelt by his best friends bed, hands comfortingly on his shoulders.

Harry sat up quickly, hurriedly wiping his eyes and giving Ron a shaky smile. 'Sorry, I fell asleep too quickly to remember, I'll try not to forget again'

Ron frowned deeply at this. What, did Harry take dreamless sleep or something? Draco had for a short while after the war, it just made things easier, stopped the nightmares until they became bearable. We're Harry's still that bad?

'You know I don't like it mate, it doesn't feel right, you really should speak to someone...'

Dreamless sleep was addictive, Draco thought, maybe Harry had a problem with it? He wasn't about to ask however, potter didn't need to know that he'd gone soft.

'It's fine Ron, really, I'm fine. It wasn't a bad one'.

Ron nodded slowly, but still didn't look happy. 'Alright mate. Well, try get back to sleep ok?' He looked concerned, and Draco was worried.

'Thanks', Harry whispered, his voice croaky from the crying.

'Night', said Ron, returning back to his own bed.

'Night', Harry replied.

Neither of them had noticed Draco was awake, and he was glad. He wouldn't have known what to say, he'd rather just have gotten into bed with Harry and pulled him too his chest until he stopped crying. Harry would probably murder him however, so best not. He fell back into a fitful sleep, to the sound of Harry's ragged, erratic breathing.


	4. Chapter 4

Harry woke up early the next morning. He'd only had a few hours sleep, what with the nightmares, but he couldn't doze off again, so he decided to head out to the quidditch pitch for a quick fly before the day began. The three other boys were still sound asleep as he left, so he scribbled a little note for Ron, leaving it on his bedside table, in case his friend woke up and couldn't find him.

The sun was just rising and there was a chill in the air as Harry reached the pitch. He felt the familiar excitement as he pulled out his broom and took off. He felt as if he flew forever, the wind whipping at his hair and stinging his cheeks, eyes watering. Up in the clouds, he forgot about the war, about his friends, about his sadness and worry. It was magical.

Too soon it was time to land, he only had 40 mins before breakfast began and he desperately needed a shower, what with the mud and sweat etched into his skin after hours of flying. He made his way back to the eighth year dormitories, getting very lost a number of time along the way and so consequently, when he finally reached his destination, there was only 15 before breakfast started, and he was going to be late. Bursting into the common room, he bumped into Ron and Hermione, who were anxiously standing at the door.

'Harry!', Hermione half yelled as he walked into her.

'What?', Harry asked slightly sheepishly.

'We were worried, you can't just take off whenever you feel like it, what if-'

'Hermione', he interrupted her sharply, 'I'm 18 years old, I can go for an early fly if I want to, you don't need to worry about me all the time'. He'd said it a little too harshly than he meant, and Hermione eyes filled with tears.

'I'm sorry Harry, it's just, you know, I couldn't face it if- if we...', she trailed off, looking very close to the edge.

Ron put an arm around her comfortingly. 'We just don't want to lose you again mate, once was enough. You've not been yourself lately. You can't be mad at us for caring'.

Harry sighed, ashamed of himself. He knew his friends only wanted what was best for him.

'No, I'm sorry. Couldn't sleep'.

Ron nodded sympathetically, understanding.

'Well, hurry up, we're going to be late for breakfasts'.

'Nah you go on', Harry said, 'collect my timetable if I'm late?'.

'No, we'll wait, won't we Ron'.

Ron nodded again, but his grumbling stomach gave him away. He winced at Harry. 'Alright then, we'll see you down there?'

'Yeah', Harry said with a half grin.

With that his friends exited from the door he'd just come from, and he rushed off down to his room so he could get showered and ready as fast as possible.

Malfoy was still in the room, and he spun slowly as Harry burst in. The carefree, happy mood he was in after his morning flight plummeted dramatically. Malfoy was the last person he wanted to spend his morning with. He'd clearly just left the shower, his hair still wet, a towel wrapped loosely around his waist. Water droplets trailed lazily down his chest. Harry involuntarily gaped at the sight of him, couldn't help but trace the trail of a droplet that slid easily down his stomach. He seemed to be sculpted out of marble, the definition of his torso and arms was incredible, but his skin looked much softer than stone, smooth and silky and Harry found himself wondering what it would feel like under his hands. Since when did he wonder about feeling up other guys? He definitely couldn't be attracted to Malfoy could he? He shook his head roughly to get the infuriating blonde out of his head. Malfoy was watching this whole performance with an evil smirk, clearly enjoying seeing Harry floundering.

'Gasping like a fish out of water isn't a good look on you Potter, close your mouth'.

Harry blushed a deep Crimson. 'I'm not, I wasn't-' he stuttered.

'Don't tell me you weren't looking Potter'.

'Piss off', Harry muttered darkly, storming over to his chest of drawers to grab out a towel for his shower. He just wanted to get out of this room and away from Malfoy, it was making his head spin and he didn't like it.

'Potter you're going to be late for breakfast', Draco noted blandly as Harry struggled to pull out everything he needed as quickly as he could.

'Well I can't go down to breakfast like this can i, in case you hadn't noticed I'm covered in mud. I'll just have to shower fast and then-'

'Scourgify' Malfoy said, pointing his wand at Harry. Harry felt an oddly warm tingle over his whole body, making him shiver, and when he looked down, the mud was gone and his skin felt a lot cleaner than it had done a moment before. Even his hair felt silky.

'Hey!', he shouted in surprise, glaring at Malfoy

'There you go Potter, you do remember you're a wizard don't you? There are spells like this for a reason. It's useful in more ways than one.' He winked slyly at the confused boy, making Harry blush deeply again.

'What's that supposed to mean', he snapped.

'Wouldn't you like to know', Malfoy said.

Harry groaned. Malfoy was infuriating, he hated him so much. They fell into a silence whilst Malfoy spelled on his clothes and collected his books, Harry standing awkwardly, not yet having changed, but not being able to move to do it, his thoughts were too addled.

'Right, well I'm off, see you Potter'. He made his way to the door briskly, not glancing back at Harry.

'Wait', Harry called suddenly, not quite sure what he was doing. Malfoy spun abruptly, raising an eyebrow at him in question.

'I um, could you, er could you please-'

'Spit it out Potter'. Harry blushed again.

'Well, I don't know the way to be great hall. I keep getting lost...'

He didn't want to spend any more time with Malfoy, but the fact of the matter is he had absolutely no clue where he was going. He definitely didn't like asking Malfoy for help

'Fine, I'll walk you', said Malfoy, sighing dramatically and rolling his eyes, 'but for Merlins sake, hurry up, we're going to be late'.

Harry looked at him sheepishly, then set about getting ready.

Draco felt extremely smug as he lead the way down to the great hall. He was definitely succeeding in his plans to mess with Potter's head, chuckling silently to himself as he glanced behind at the boy who was frowning hard at the floor. Even if Harry still hated him, at least they were on speaking terms, at least Draco got something from Harry. Actually, speaking terms might have been stretching it, because neither of them had uttered a word since leaving the dorm. Draco decided to step up to the plate.

'So Potter, you get nightmares?'

Harry looked at him, startled at both the question, and the fact that Draco was asking him about himself in the first place.

'Um, I guess', he mumbled.

'Mmm', Draco hummed, 'I do, occasionally'

'Really?', Harry said, looking shocked.

'I lived through the war to you know', Draco snapped, a bit angrily.

'Sorry, just, I didn't think anything fazed you...or that you actually had feelings', he mumbled as an afterthought, not really expecting to hear it.

Draco did, however, hear it and was quite sting. But to Harry's defence, he hadn't really shown him anything but hatred and indifference, so why should he know any better?

'There's a lot you don't know about me', he said. Oh if only you knew, he thought to himself.

'Sorry if I woke you last night', Harry said, gazing at his feet in shame.

'No matter', Draco said, 'you normally take dreamless sleep?'

'Something like that', Harry mumbled. What was that supposed to mean?

'A different potion then?', Malfoy asked, not willing to give it up.

'Jeez Malfoy, it's none of your business, leave it alone!'

Malfoy narrowed his eyes at Harry's outburst, why was he so edgy now days.

'I was only curious', he spat through gritted teeth.

'Well don't be, it's not like we're friends or anything', Harry nearly shouted back at him. I'm well aware, Draco thought sorrowfully. Harry was getting very angry from nowhere, too defensive for Draco's liking, something was clearly wrong.

'Tell me Potter', he demanded.

'Piss off Malfoy', Harry said.

They'd come to a halt at the top of the stairs leading down to the entrance for the great hall. Harry spun on his heel, making to storm off away from Malfoy, but being the absolute disaster that he was, he'd forgotten where they were standing. Harry slipped, and almost fell head first down the steep flight of steps. Draco moved quickly, grabbing Harry's wrist and tugging him back before he could fall. This brought Harry crashing back into his chest, Draco almost hugging him, they were chest to chest. Harry looked a bit shaky, and still angry.

'Merlin Potter, don't you ever pay attention to where you're going? Just relax, I got you'. His tone was mocking, more than he'd planned it to sound.

He felt Harry stiffen at their touch and his voice, pulling away quickly as if Draco had burned him.

'Just leave me alone Malfoy', he spat viciously, before turning again, this time managing to get down the steps without nearly killing himself.

Malfoy already missed the warmth of Harry's body against his, even for those few very short seconds. Merlin, he was in deep, and it didn't look like there was anyway he was going to get out.


	5. Chapter 5

Harry was in a foul mood for the rest of the day. Since when did Malfoy care about anything Harry did, since when did they have a normal conversation. Luckily he managed to avoid anymore chat with the blonde all day, but he kept feeling Malfoy's eyes on him. Malfoy didn't have any right to care about him, his friends beings so cautious around him was bad enough. Nightmares were an extremely sensitive for Harry; there hadn't been a single night since the war without them. Sometimes they were manageable, sometimes they were awful. A few times, he might even have said that they were worse than the real war, which was pretty hard to imagine. Death and murder and sorrow filled his sleep, making it extremely difficult to get a couple of hours in each night. He was almost afraid to go to bed. Obviously Hermione and Ron had discovers his troubles early on, when the nightmares didn't fade away after a couple of weeks like theirs had, and as Harry grew increasingly tired and pale. Dreamless sleep had been Hermione's first suggestion, but it turned out only to make the nightmares worse because the nightmares still came but it was impossible to wake himself up from them until the potion had been flushed out. Doctors and therapy were mentioned but of course Harry refused them all, he couldn't face the humiliation, didn't want to show people how weak he was. Why couldn't he just move on with his life like every one else was doing. He'd decided, much to the discontent of his best friends to place a silencing charm around himself before he fell asleep last night, so that his friends could rest I disturbed by his screams. It made Ron angry, and Hermione cry, but they could both see how resistant he was to accept any sort of help and so were forever to accept it. They comforted him as best they could, and Harry resigned himself to suffer. Now Malfoy knew about his nightmares and it wouldn't be long before he was shouting it from the rooftops.

To make matters worse, Harry's was trailed by hoards of giggling girls all day. He'd been asked if he had a girlfriend at leat 15 times today, and each time he said no, he regretted it, because then someone would ask him out. The problem was, no one really wanted Harry, they wanted the saviour, the hero. Harry just wanted someone to want him. Plus, he really wasn't attracted to any of these girls, and had to tell a very disappointed Ron, that no, he wouldn't hook up with as many girls as possible just because he could. He quite literally could have pulled any one of these girls into a deserted corridor and do pretty much anything he wanted with her, but the truth, he didn't want to. None of them made him feel excited, or nervous or gave him butterflies. Hence, Harry stalked around school fuming all day. Dinner was a similar affair, he could hear the whispered giggles and chatter from the little huddles of girls seated near him and he could still feel the unnerving stars from Malfoy at the Slytherin table.

'You'll be old news before you know it Harry', Ginny said cheerfully, nudging his elbow with hers as she came and joined him. Ron and Hermione were opposite him, but they were acting extremely lovesick today and Harry wasn't in the mood. The rest of his friends at the Gryffindor table were engaged in a raucous discussion about an rouge bludger that was terrorising muggle London. Again, Harry wasn't in the mood.

'Gee thanks Ginny', he said sarcastically.

She rolled her eyes at him. 'Oh stop being dramatic, you know what I mean'.

'Yeah, just been a shit day'

'I'm sure you'll live' she teased, grinning playfully at him.

Ginny always knew how to make Harry feel better, she didn't pity him or baby him like his other friends. Harry hated pity, even though he knew it was with the best intentions at heart.

He slung an arm round Ginny's shoulder, pulling her into a side hug. She rested her head on the crook of his neck for a moment.

'See, this is why I love you', he said.

'Ginny straightened up out of the embrace, wiggling her eyebrows at him suggestively.

'Ew, gross, no way', Harry joked.

The fact was, he and Ginny just weren't meant to be. He loved her a lot, but as a sister, and she grew to see him as a brother. Also, Ginny was totally and madly in love with Dean. Harry had to admit, they were perfect for each other. Chatting aimlessly with Ginny, he was finally able to unwind from his stressful day and enjoy his dinner, trying his best to ignore the cool gaze Malfoy held him under.

Draco had spent the day in emotional turmoil. First of all he'd been worried about Harry, then Harry had gone ape on him over nothing, which irritated him and also hurt a little, and then had to suffer through watching countless girls throw themselves at the love of his life. He didn't think he could handle the raging jealousy much more when Ginny Weasly arrived at dinner. Draco had always been possessive, and even though Harry didn't belong to him in any way whatsoever, it made him furious to see her drape herself all over him like that. Slut. Deep down, he knew that that wasn't fair, definitely wasn't true, but he didn't care. Harry loved her, she could make him smile in a way that no one else could seem to, and that made him more jealous than anything in the world. He wanted to make Harry smile like that more than he wanted all the jewels in Aladdin's cave. He spent dinner sulking, much to the annoyance of Pansy, who wanted to gossip with him about their new classes and new teachers.

'Draco', she whined, 'quit being a prat and talk to me'.

Draco glared at her sullenly but didn't reply.

'You're boring', she tried. No reply

'A conversation with Goyle would be more interesting than you are'. Still no reply.

'Pining like that make your face look ugly'. That one worked, as she knew all to well it would. Draco was just inherently vain, no way around it. He growled at her.

'What do you want Pansy?' He snapped.

Pansy pouted at him. 'I want the old Draco back'.

'Well sorry to break it to you, but you've lost him to Harry Bloody Potter'. He replied snidely, gritting his teeth as a new gaggle of girls swanned over to where Harry was sat. Deciding he couldn't take it anymore, he rose from his seat, promptly stalking out of the great hall.

'Problem is,' pansy replied to his empty space, 'Harry doesn't know he needs to find you'.

Across the hall, Harry watched Draco as he stomped out, a peculiar feeling in his stomach. He decided to ignore it. He definitely wasn't even the tiniest bit interested in Draco Malfoy.


	6. Chapter 6

Harry left Ginny at the Gryffindor table with Dean and made his way back up to the common room. Although complicated, he didn't have as much trouble figuring out the route as before, taking only six wrong turns. Ok so he hadn't totally got it down yet. Being alone in the castle when he was tired wasn't the best idea, in its semi lucid state, his brain kept flashing back to the war, every time he passed a spot where something had happened the vision would flash before his eyes. It was going to take a while to get used to it. Being reminded so often was going to make his nightmares worse. Harry could tell they were going to be bad tonight and he had to remember to set up his spells before he fell asleep. He couldn't go waking up the dorm every night and he'd told his friends that his dreams were getting better. Plus, he didn't want anymore pushy questions from Malfoy, Harry didn't trust him not to do something mean if he found out more. Maybe he would mock Harry for being so weak that he was too scared to sleep.

Hermione was waiting for him in the common room when he made it back. Ron was nowhere to be seen, but Hermione was say curled up on one of the sofas engrossed in a large book that rested on her lap. A couple other students where scattered around, some on the chairs like Hermione and some at the study desks. Malfoy was at a desk in the far corner with Pansy, Harry noted, going trough some notes. Why on earth were they studying already, there wasn't even any homework yet. Malfoy didn't notice Harry coming in and so didn't look up, but Harry scowled at him anyway, just for good measure. Hermione did notice him however and called him over, looking concerned.

'Hey mione', he said in a falsely cheery voice, maybe he could put off whatever she was going to say for a while if he pretended to be happy.

'Sit', she said, tone firm and bossy. He was t going to get away with it.

He sat down heavily, making the nod book in Hermione's lap tumble to the floor.

'Harry!', she exclaimed, rolling her eyes, but she wasn't really angry. She gave his shoulder a playful shove and he grinned at her.

'Sorry.' He replied, trying his best to look innocent. 'Where's Ron?'

Hermione scowled. Oops, though Harry.

'I sent him to bed', she snapped darkly.

Harry giggled confusedly. Poor Ron, what had he done this time? Ron couldn't seem to go a day without doing something stupid to annoy his girlfriend, he was lucky she was so completely in love with him.

'Why?', he asked.

'Because he didnt want me to talk to you about last night'.

Oh. Hermione knew about his nightmare. Any sympathy he had had forbid friend vanished. Ron was an idiot, obviously telling Hermione would be a bad idea, she'd just make a big deal out of it. He didnt say anything, just looked at the floor guiltily.

'Harry Potter, you told me those dreams had gone!' She really was angry with him.

'No, I said-'

'No Harry, don't try that with me, I'm not having it. You can't do this to yourself'.

It was the same conversation they'd had twenty times before and it never ended well.

'It's not my fault they won't stop'

'Well you aren't even trying! There's different potions, occlumency, maybe it's time to see a mind healer!'

'Hermione! You know I'm never going to see a mind healer'.

Harry's nightmares were a subject that was discussed all too much but Hermione just wouldn't back down. Harry knew it came from a good place, but he wished she would just let it go and let him get on with it. A mind healer was absolutely not on the cards and she knew that. Harry didn't want someone prying trough his mind, making him feel like even more of a freak than he already did. The truth was, he felt like he deserved the nightmares. He lived through the war when so many other people didn't. So many people that he didn't save. He should've died, but he didn't and so the nightmares where penance for that. Ron and Hermione told him that was total nonsense and ridiculous and gave Hermione even more cause to push for a mind healer, but there was no chance in hell that was going to happen.

'What, so you're just going to live like this forever', she said, throwing her hands up.

'Yes. No. I don't know, the point is, I'm dealing with it'.

'By using silencing spells! Harry, it's not good for you, look what it's doing to you'. Her voice had gone softer now, her eyes watering slightly. Why did girls cry so easily. Harry thought she was angry with him a second ago.

'I'll figure it out mione', he said.

'Just let me help you', she said, almost pleading.

'You can't, I'm fine, I'll be fine'. He was trying to convince himself of that just as much as he was trying to convince her.

'You're not', she said in almost a whisper. 'Please just be careful Harry. This year is supposed to be a new start. You need to try'.

Harry sighed deeply as he stood.

'I will', he said, but it was just to placate her.

'Hermione beamed up at him.'I'll find you some reading on occlumency, it's good for relaxing your mind, that could work'.

Harry knew it wouldn't, he'd tried it before and failed epically, his failure had cost him Sirius' life. Deep down Hermione knew too that it wouldn't work, but she had to let herself believe that something would eventually. There he to be something to stop her best friend from hurting himself, to stop him looking so pale and tired all the time.

'Alright', Harry said, stooping down to kiss her forehead tenderly. 'Don't worry about me mione, I've dealt with worse'.

'I know', she whispered, 'I just want you to be ok'.

'I am'

Hermione glared at him hard. He held his hands up by his head in defence and she rolled her eyes.

'If you see Ronald, tell him I said goodnight'

'Yep'

'And tell him that if he insists on acting like a child then I'll treat him like one'.

'Ok'

'And that if he want to-'

'Mione!' Harry exclaimed, exasperated.

Hermione sighed dramatically. 'Fine'

'Harry smiled at her fondly. 'Night'.

'Night, Harry'.

Draco noticed Harry the moment he walked into the room but refused to acknowledge it. He wasn't in the mood to pine over the smaller boy, not after ignoring each other all day. He just wanted to be angry. However, even though he tried to ignore it, he couldn't get back to studying and resigned himself to watching the peculiar interaction between Potter and Granger. They were angry with each other, Granger was annoying Harry in some way. The boy was clearly very frustrated, as was she. Draco couldn't help but wonder if it had anything to do with last night, Harry had gotten angry with him this morning in just the same way he was now. All of a sudden the Mudblood girl was crying and Harry was looking guilty again. Draco would never understand women, Pansy was even worse, Merlin know why he let her hang around.

Speaking of Pansy - 'hey Draco, Potions not interesting you tonight?'

He spun to face her with a glare, reluctantly dragging his eyes away from Harry.

'Shut up Pansy, I don't know what you're talking about'.

'Potters hairs looking awfully soft today don't you think', she teased evilly.

'Pansy!' He growled in a warning.

'Is just love to run my hands through it, wouldn't you? Very sexy, hair tousled and messy like that'.

'Pansy', he snarled again. Why couldn't she just drop it, did she like making him suffer?

'What!', she said, batting her eyelids innocently, 'just making an observation, you don't have to listen to me'.

'Observe in your head next time'.

'I couldn't possibly'

'Well learn to. How am I supposed to work with you distracting me like that'.

'It's not me distracting you!'

'I'm going to work in the library from now on', Draco said with a huff, glaring at his friend.

'Well I'm going to study with Blaise next time'.

'Try not to suck each other's faces of whilst your at it', Draco shot back with a sneer.

'At least I'm getting some', pansy bit.

That hurt. Draco scowled deeply.

'Sorry', she said with a small shrug. As one of his best friends she knew all about Draco's unrequited love and Draco knew she wouldn't ever say anything to really hurt him.

'It's OK', he said with a sigh.

'You know I love you right?', she said, nudging his elbow playfully.

'How could you not', Draco said.

'Pompous git', she muttered.

'Hey', he said with a scowl.

She grinned at him. 'Ok let's try get back to work, no more Pottet gazing ok?'

Draco rolled his eyes at her. 'Fine.', he snapped.

He quickly shot one more glance over to where Potter and Granger sat. Only Potter was gone. He must have gone to bed. Draco stood up abruptly, slamming his books shut.

'I'm going to bed' he a bounced to pansy.

She looked up at him, then over to Potters empty space, then back at him.

'Really', she said mockingly, raising her eyebrows.

'Shut up', he snarled. As much as he hated himself for running after Harry, he could t hell it.

Pansy rolled her eyes at him. 'Sweet dreams Draco'

'Shut up', he said again, but gave her a short smile, before striding off to his room.

Blaise and Ron were already in bed, Harry was just getting changed. Their eyes met briefly when Draco entered, but Harry quickly diverted his gaze with s slight blush. Merlin, why did he have to be so cute! Draco guessed they were still ignoring each other after this morning. Not like it was much different t to normal though, they didn't tend to chat anyway. Only the second night back and he'd already ruined his tiny, tiny chances of being a part of Harrys. Sighing heavily, Draco collapsed onto his bed, sinking into the mattress. He fell asleep almost instantly, exhausted after their first day, and so he completely missed the spell Harry muttered before he, too, fell back into his beamed to drift into an uneasy sleep.


	7. Chapter 7

Hermione had ended up in a room with Hannah Abbot, Millicent Bulstrode and Pansy Parkinson. Hannah and Millicent had rather kept to themselves, Pansy on the other hand was loud and boisterous, and Hermione had decided that she quite liked it. With two boys for best friends, she was in dire need of some female company, since Ginny and Luna were still a year below. A couple of weeks had passed since term began, and she had found herself falling easily back into the familiar rhythm of Hogwarts. They went to their classes, to the library, played quidditch, took walks. It was all that she'd hoped it would be. Only she was still very worried about Harry. She could see how much the war had affected him, and couldn't even try to understand how he felt. He was supposed to be the saviour, yet so many people had died. Merlin, Harry had died! Obviously, she didn't see it that way, she joined Ron and almost everyone they knew with the view that Harry truly was a hero, but Harry didn't see it that way. He didn't seem depressed as such, but he just want that happy, there was always an undertone of sadness in everything he did, and it broke her heart. He didn't eat enough, and he looked so pale and tired all the time. The nightmares were eating away at him. She didn't know what to do about it. She just wanted him to be happy. He just needed people to love him.

September was fast coming to a close, and the fire in the common room was almost always lit. Harry spent most of his evenings in their with his friends, playing snap with Dean and Seamus, or loosing at chess to Ron. Hermione would sit and gossip on the window seats with Pansy, Merlin knows what they talked about. The days seemed to blur into one. His classes were hard and the homework even harder, but Hermione was like a angel sent from heaven, diligently going through it each night until he got it - this usually took quite a while. He could still feel himself slipping however, his marks were getting worse instead of getting better. Potions was especially bad, but then again, had it ever been good? He was just so tired all the time, the nightmares had been getting worse and the constant flow of hideously perfumed girls was making him exhausted. How many did he need to turn away before they got the message? He wasn't interested, sure they were attractive, Ron never hesitated to point that out, but none of them really made him feel anything but annoyance.

Malfoy was another problem. The problem wasn't that he was being a prat, or bullying Harry like normal, it was the sad, sullen stare he so frequently locked on Harry, the moping around and the sulking. It wasn't the Malfoy he was used to, and he didn't like it. As much as he hated it, his fights with Malfoy were the only thing that really seemed to spark something in him, set a fire blazing in his chest. They were doing an extremely good job of avoiding one another however, barely exchanging any words since the escapade on the stairs, nearly a month ago. Harry knew it wouldn't last. Soon enough, Malfoy would come barging back into his life and make Harry angry and frustrated all over again. It wasn't until potions class the following week that it happened.

'Good morning class', Slughorn boomed as the eighth year students filed into the dingy lit room.

'Ah ah', he said wiggling his fingers frantically, 'don't sit down. We're having a little rejig of our partners today because some of us-' he gave Ron and Harry a pointed look- 'are getting rather distracted, and this is not the year to fail in'.

Draco groaned inwardly. He'd sat with Blaise all year, and not to boast, although he was totally boasting, they had achieved top marks nearly every lesson. Why should he have to switch just because Potter and his Weasel couldn't keep their mouths shut. It was so unfair. He was probably going to be paired with someone like Finch-Fletchly and then he might just have to kill himself. He was so lost in thought that he missed his name being called out.

'Uh, Malfoy', a quiet voice said beside him.

Snapping out of his daze, Draco glanced down to find, not finch-fletchly, but Harry. He groaned for real this time. The gods were really not in his favour today, how was he supposed to concentrate on his work with this next to him. Harry was biting his lip nervously, anxiously watching him. Draco resisted the urge to bend down and take it between his own. They hadn't spoken since the fight on the stairs, when Harry had gotten angry out of nowhere when Draco had tried to push for an answer. He still didn't know what the problem had been, but Harry seemed to be sleeping soundly through the night now, he hadn't heard anything troubling. He did still look incredibly tired...that was besides the point though. The point was it was none of his business, Harry had made that very clear, and his besotted heart ached for the loss of something he'd never had. Pairing Harry with Draco was just a cruel tease, flaunting the ultimate prize even though it was never actually in reach. Also, Harry was absolutely appalling at potions.

'Make us fail, and you'll be sorry', he said curtly as he strode to their bench.

'I didn't ask to be paired with you either', Harry grumbled.

Draco rolled his eyes. It was going to be a very long term.

Two weeks into the new potions arrangement and Harry thought he was going to go mad. Maybe it had been a good thing that Draco and him hadn't been talking, because now, with four lessons together a week, he was going insane. Malfoy just made his head spin, and he kept blushing and stuttering and getting angry. Every time they tried to have a normal conversation, one of them would end up insulting the other and it would all spiral downhill. It would help if he wasn't so bloody self righteous, Harry thought, just cause he can do potions and I can't... Malfoy got irritated with Harry very quickly because Harry just kept getting things wrong, but Harry couldn't help it, not with all the teasing from Malfoy. He mocked Harry's hair, his clothes, his inability to form an articulate sentence. Secretly, these were all the things that Draco loved about Harry, but how was Harry supposed to know that? Almost every class ended with a 'piss off', or 'shut up'. He also seemed to smile a lot more in this class than anywhere else, which unnerved him. Malfoy was funny, he made Harry laugh- not that they were friends, obviously.

His marks on the other hand, were actually improving, the only good thing he was getting out of this partnership. At least it kept Slughorn happy.


	8. Chapter 8

Mid October brought with it a bucket load of difficult assignments for the eighth year students. It was designed to test their progress in class so far. Harry of course was dreading them, because he was failing almost everything, except potions thanks to Malfoy and defence against the dark arts of course. In transfiguration, they had to transfigure as many different household objects they could into creatures and then back under a set time limit. In charms, Flitwick got them to choreograph a dance between their chairs and the desk. Points were added for flair. The potions assignment was saved for Friday. They'd been given the whole day off lessons so that they had time to brew draught of peace, an extremely advanced potion. Directions had to be followed incredibly carefully, because a wrong administration of ingredients could render the potion fatal. It altogether sounded way out of his depth, plus it meant a whole day spent with Malfoy. Since becoming potions partners they seemed to be getting along, or at least not fighting as much but still, the blonde drove him crazy. He might just go mad. In Harry's opinion, Friday morning came around all too soon.

'Bloody hell', Harry muttered as he scanned the instructions in his potions book. There was a ridiculous amount of steps, and an even more ridiculous list of ingredients.

'Hard, potter?' Malfoy whispered in his ear, leaning close to him. Harry could feel the warmth of his tall body, only centimetres from his.

Harry shivered involuntarily, blushing. Angry at the way his body was reacting to Malfoy, he refused to make eye contact with the blonde. Malfoy is a git. Remember that, he told himself firmly. He could feel Malfoy's gaze on him but ignored it to concentrate on their task. It didn't work however, because he had no bloody clue what he was supposed to do, he sucked at potions.

'Having trouble', Malfoy asked, smirking at the way Harry was frowning confusedly at his page. Harry spun to face him, glaring.

'Shut up, Malfoy', he growled, 'you take over then'.

'You like it when I'm in control?', Malfoy asked, his smirk growing wicked.

Harry let out an infuriated huff, too flustered to reply, his cheeks burning again. Why was Malfoy doing this to him? Why was he letting himself becoming so affected by it anyway?.

'Just. Make. The. Potion', Harry snarled through gritted teeth, keeping his head bowed so Malfoy couldn't see his red face.

They began to gather ingredients, Malfoy barking orders for Harry to dutifully follow. Annoying as it was to admit, Malfoy was a genius when it came to potions and so Harry was more than Happy to do the brunt of the fetching and chopping and slicing and let the blonde do all the tricky stuff. It was how they'd been working over the past weeks and each potion had turned out rather well. After about three hours, they had made their way through about half the steps, resulting in a bright red potion. Malfoy had to stir it continuously anti-clockwise now until it turned orange, then exactly three powdered porcupine quills had to be added immediately, turning the potion turquoise.

'I can't do both things at once Potter, so you're going to have to powder the quills', he said it with a grimace, which offended Harry, probably more than it should, but this was Malfoy, and everything he did always worked Harry up.

'I am capable of doing that Malfoy' he snapped back.

'Well get on with it then, you've got two minutes'

Harry set to work grinding down the porcupine quills, Malfoy stirring all the while. The potion was beginning to go orange, just as expected.

'Right Potter, have you managed it?'

'Yes, Malfoy, I have', Harry said, heavy with sarcasm.

Malfoy picked up the bowl filled with the powders quills, squinting at it critically.

'You did three?', he asked.

'Yes', Harry sighed.

'Are you absolutely positive?'

'Malfoy!', Harry was getting annoyed, of course he had done three, it's what the instructions said, he wasn't that incompetent.

'Because if you haven't, then-'

'Merlins sake Malfoy, just put it in already', Harry snapped, loosing his patience.

'That's rather forward, don't you think Harry? I think it's best to get to know each other first.' He raised an eyebrow at Harry, and winked slyly'.

'Piss off', Harry bit back, trying his hardest not to blush but without luck.

'I wasn't the one who said it', Malfoy said, holding his hands up dramatically in mock surrender, smirking at the reaction he'd provoked from the smaller boy.

Harry rolled his eyes, sulking, as Malfoy chuckled to himself. He tipped the powder in, and sure enough it became a lovely turquoise.

Of course he'd been careful to watch what Harry was doing when left to his own devices, he hadn't been willing to jeopardise their assignment, but it was just too much fun teasing Harry, it gave him a lovely blush, and Harry always got so passionate when they fought. Draco had noticed that most of the time, Harry seemed subdued and unattached from everything, and that definitely wasn't normal Potter behaviour. He didn't smile a whole lot, or laugh. At least there was a glint in his eyes when he argued with Draco. There was now 30 minutes to spare whilst the potions sat between steps to they were much ahead of their other classmates, thanks to his skilled expertise, they were the only ones to reach that stage. It was nearing lunch, and Draco suggested they get something to eat whilst they had a chance. Harry gave him an odd look, and fair enough because since when did they eat together, or do anything outside of class together for that matter. Much to Draco's delight he agreed anyway and they exited the classroom, heading for the kitchens.

They walked in an awkward silence, neither one knowing what to say. They're never been together like this before, and as much as Draco longed to be in Harry's company, he us no idea what to do with it.

'So', he started, trying to breach the awkwardness, 'How are you finding seventh year?'.

He cringed inwardly at how dumb the question sounded. Why couldn't he just be cool? Wasn't Harry the one that was supposed to get flustered?

'Um..fine', Harry replied, pursing his lips in a half grimace. 'You?'

'Certainly better than sixth year I'd say', Draco said.

Harry looked at him, eyes wide with shock and Draco faltered. Oh shit, he'd gone to far, he hadn't thought before speaking, the topic of sixth year was probably much too sensitive for the boy. Idiot, he cursed himself. He made to speak again, but suddenly Harry grinned. Draco felt the tension leaving his body at the sight of it.

'Damn sight better than last year too', he said. Draco smirked pleasantly down at him. Maybe this wasn't going to be as bad as he'd thought, maybe they could have a civil conversation. The chatter began to flow as they continued on down the corridor, mostly about quidditch and schoolwork, both boys steering well clear of anything too difficult. Draco realised how easy it was to get lost in conversation with Harry, and he could have sworn in those minutes he fell further in love with the boy. Sap.

Harry was smiling at a joke Draco had just made as they rounded the corner when his face fell. Draco was worried for a second as Harry groaned painfully, then he noticed what the problem was. A little group of girls where perched on a windowsill up ahead and had begun squealing when they spotted Harry. 5th years, he guessed. They rushed towards the two boys, giggling merrily.

'Harry', a brunette haired girl gasped, we've been looking for you everywhere'. She was very pretty, curly ringlets and cute freckles.

'We just simply couldn't go any longer without seeing you', another gushed, leaning in closer to Harry, too close for Draco's liking.

Harry flushed adorably, making the girls simper and Draco's heart flutter.

'Er, sorry girls, I was-'

'Awwww he's just so cute', the brunette gabbled, cutting over Harry. They all started chattering loudly again, completely ignoring what Harry was trying to say.

'Come on Harry, let's go and have lunch together', a blonde girl said, sliding her arm round his. Draco felt a burn of jealousy. Who did she think she was, to touch Harry like that, when he so obviously wasn't enjoying it.

The brunette pouted. 'Harry, I think you'd prefer to come with me, we'll find somewhere private to go', she bit her lip suggestively, one hand reaching up to curl her fingers into his Raven hair. Harry flinched away from the touch. Draco was trying very hard to suppress the angry possessiveness he was feeling. Harry wasn't his, as much as he wanted him to be. He just couldn't help but be incredibly jealous.

The crowd of girls erupted into a giggling mess, each announcing the different things they would like to do to Harry, none of them listening to his rambling refusals.

'No, I'm just not-'

'Hey, get off me-'

'Wait, I can't-'

Draco finally decided he couldn't take anymore. He just wanted to get rid of these ridiculous girls.

Roughly, he snaked an arm over Harry's shoulders, pulling the boy back into him and away from the desperate girls. He was met with hard evil states as they glared at him for taking away their sweetheart.

'Potters not going anywhere', he said in a low growl.

'It's not up to you what Harry does Malfoy', said a short girl, hands on her hips glaring daggers at him, 'it's not like you own him, you aren't even friends'.

Draco grimaced. He was very well aware of that fact.

'Potter is my potions partner, and we have an assignment to do, so I'll think you'll find that actually yes, what he is doing at the moment is entirely my business'.

The girls all looked pleadingly at Harry, but the boy just shrugged an apology.

'He's right', he said simply.

'Harry-', the brunette girl started, pouting stupidly.

'Go away', Draco snarled. He felt Harry shudder slightly next to him. He probably hates the way Draco was talking to his adoring fans, but Draco really want in the mood to feel jealous.

Harry flattened his lips at the girls in a half smile, not trying to fight Draco's orders.

The girls all sighed melodramatically, but nevertheless, realising they'd lost this fight, they bid reluctant goodbyes to their love, moping off down the corridor.

Harry quickly stepped away from where he'd been leaning against Draco, looking sheepish.

'Sorry about that, and um, thanks, I'm never very good at getting rid of them'.

Draco narrowed his eyes at Harry.

'You're not interested in any of them?' He'd have thought, with the luck of any girl in school at his disposal, that Harry would have found at least one girl to mess around with.

'Well, no, not really', Harry blushed again.

'Oh', Draco said, a bit surprised. He'd expected different.

'There's no one?'

Harry shook his head.

'Oh', Draco said again, realising he sounded a bit stupid now. 'Not the Weaslette?'

'Ginny', Harry said with a half glare, 'and no, we're just friends. The other girls, well they all want the boy who lived', Harry explained, 'not me'.

'I see' Draco said, 'didn't know the golden boy was so deep'

'Harry rolled his eyes. 'Plus, I'm not really attracted to any of them. Share, some of them are pretty but I just don't... want any of them'

He flushed slightly again, clearly embarrassed at admitting this. He kept his eyes on his feet, not looking at Draco.

'Ron's not impressed, He says I could have fucked half of these girls by now'.

Draco raised his eyebrows in disbelief, choking slightly at the crudeness. Harry just grinned at him cheekily, the embarrassment vanishing.

'His words, not mine'.

Draco tutted at him playfully, scowling gently.

Harry looked away again, his ear growing pink.

'Well um, thanks. For getting rid of them, I mean. You didn't have to do that'.

Draco nodded in ascent.

'They were annoying me', he sneered. Because I want you all to myself, he thought. Oh if only Harry knew.

What Draco didn't know was that secretly, Harry had very much enjoyed being subject to Draco's possessiveness and being pulled in close but he definitely wouldn't admit that to anyone, not even to himself. He wasn't, couldn't be attracted to Draco Malfoy, not even in the slightest.

After their quick visit to the kitchens, they headed back to class and in a couple of hours had finished their assignment, before anyone else, ending up with a glowing white potion, silvery vapours wafting outs. It was perfect, Slughorn said. Ron and Neville's potion was emitting belches of black smoke. Something had definitely gone wrong. Seamus and Blaise were still fretting over their potion as it exploded, lighting Seamus's robes on fire. It was the first time Malfoy had heard Harry giggle. It could quite possibly have been one of the best sounds he ever heard.


	9. Chapter 9

Life at Hogwarts seemed to be getting easier for Harry. His marks in their tests were better than expected, as in he hadn't failed them all, which got Hermione off his back a little bit. The Quidditch season had begun and although the 8th years couldn't play for their old house teams it was still fun to watch the matches. Harry did miss it however. The best thing of all was that the hoards of girls following him seemed to have dwindled after the encounter with Draco. No one seemed to want to mess with the Slytherin prince and Harry had to admit, he could be rather terrifying when he wanted to be. They'd seemed to have fallen into a sort of companionship, Draco having been appeased by their excellent potions mark. Passing in the corridors they would smile at one another or nod, and Harry enjoyed chatting in class. At dinner they would catch each other's eye accidentally and grin. Hermione would give him a knowing smile, then wiggle her eyebrows at Pansy, all to the confusment of Harry. Little did he know that he two girls had become very close, and soon enough there was nothing that Hermione didn't know about Draco's feelings for Harry. Being the smartest girl in school meant that Hermione had quickly spotted the yearning glances Malfoy had sent her best friend, hadn't missed the sulky jealousy. She'd also noticed the jittery fluster that came over Harry in the blondes presence, especially during potions lessons where his face was almost constantly flushed and he fidgeted nervously. She was just so happy to see her friend feeling something again that she didn't even care that it was Malfoy doing it to him. Of course, she had told Pansy about her suspicions and pansy had been all too thrilled to disclose every secret Draco had sworn her to to her new friend. The problem was, Harry had no idea what was going on, and Hermione knew that there was no way they could knock any sense into his thick head. Pansy was all for locking them in a room together until it all came out, but Hermione outright refused. They'd probably murder each other, she said. Harry would just have to come around to it in his own time, but Harry was completely oblivious, Merlin knows how long that was going to take. Or if it would ever happen at all.

Ron was another issue. He was so dead set on Harry getting back with Ginny, or hooking up with one of his many fans, that it was him that would take more convincing than Harry that Malfoy was a perfect fit. For one, he was a boy and Harry had only dated girls. Or girl, Ginny. Kissing Cho didn't really count as dating. The other problem was it was Draco Malfoy they were talking about. Eventually the girls had decided to let things play out as they may, but couldn't resist sharing sneaky glances at one another anytime the two boys so much as coughed in the others direction.

''Mione, what's your deal with Parkinson?', Ron grumbled as they sat eating dinner, a delicious chicken pie with mash.

Hermione rolled her eyes at him dramatically.

'If you hadn't noticed, I'm not the only one looking at the Slytherin table'. She gestured to Harry who properly choked on his chicken, blushing a dark red and averting his eyes away from Malfoy quickly.

'I was not!', he exclaimed once he'd regained his composure.

Hermione smiled at him patronisingly.

'Ron, we share a common room with these people, Pansy is my friend. If you only tried a little harder, you might discover that you actually get on well'.

Ron scowled at his girlfriend.

'No way am I getting friendly with a Slytherin. There's nothing nice about any of them'.

'Have you tried?', she asked bossily.

'Sorry Hermione, but Knott is a right twat', Seamus piped up. He, Neville and Dean were sharing with the Slytherin, and they hadn't been getting on so well. 'Uses up all the hot water, doesn't stop moaning, snores like a pig'.

Dean chuckled, Neville nodding in agreement.

'Why do you think they didn't lob us all together from the start', Dean said.

'Exactly', said Ron, sneering at his girlfriend.

Hermione sighed, shaking her head at them.

'They aren't that bad', Harry said slowly, wincing at the glares his friends shot him, all but Hermione, who beamed.

'I mean, Malfoy isn't completely awful...', Ron's glare was terrifying so he amended it, ' he's helping me out in potions'.

'Is that all he's helping you with, Harry', Ginny said seductively, scooting away from Dean to whisper into Harry's ear.

'What the hell is that supposed to mean', he bit back.

'Just saying', Ginny said with a giggle.

Hermione shot her a freezing glare and she backed down. Ron was still scowling at her sister.

'Is your brain broken gin?' He asked sceptically.

She merely shrugged, leaving the two boys to finish with their dinner in a fuming silence, Hermione grinning inwardly to herself. Oh poor Harry, he doesn't know what's going to hit him.

Across the hall, Draco watched as Harry blushed and fretted with amusement. Then his amusement turned to annoyance as that stupid ginger girl sidled up to him and started to whisper into his ear. He grunted angrily, which caught his friends attention.

'What now', Blaise said, rolling his eyes.

'Nothing', Draco muttered darkly.

Pansy nudged him playfully.

'I like it when you're all possessive', she said, 'it suits you'.

'Shut up Pansy'

She and Blaise giggled gleefully at their friends angst. Harry broke through Draco's cold, hard mask so easily and he didn't even know it. It was just too much fun.

'What do you think they're talking about?', Pansy wondered idly.

'How much of a prat Weasel is?', Draco snapped sarcastically.

'Or maybe', she said evilly, 'they're talking about that note that Romilda Vane just slipped Harry '.

'Pansy', Draco snarled lowly.

'I'll bet they're discussing the best place Potter can sneak her off to for a quick shag', Blaise said, joining in with his girlfriends cruelty. A disturbing image of Harry and that hideous girl snuck into Draco's mind and he cringed. Draco knew of course that Harry had no interest in Vane, or any of the girls that threw themselves at him for that matter, and so did Pansy, but it didn't put her off torturing him.

'For all we know, he's got five girls on the go at once!', Pansy exclaimed.

'He's not like that', Draco snarled.

'How would you know?', she asked meanly.

'Do you two sit and gossip about his many escapades in potions then Draco?' Blaise asked mockingly.

Draco was fuming. Both his friends knew about his reluctant feelings for Harry, yet they never hesitated to seize the opportunity to mock him about it.

'Does he give you details?', Pansy asked.

'Do you help him decide which one to fuck next?' Blaise said with a giggle. They were enjoying this way too much.

'Even though we all know it isn't the girls you're interested in' Pansy said, laughing so hard now she looked like she was going to burst.

Draco glared at her. Maybe he should have just kept to himself, he thought bitterly. Confiding in a Slytherin was just not a good idea, even if she was your best friend. He'd told her he was gay when he'd realised it in 4th year, and she hadn't ceased to tease him since. It was all good humoured, but tonight he wasn't in the mood, talking about Harry like this was bound to wind him up and she knew it.

'Fuck off, both if you', he snarled with a freezing glare, then he stood up and strode purposefully out of the dining hall. He needed an early night. He needed to forget all about Harry Potter, but in reality, there was no way that was ever going to happen.


	10. Chapter 10

It was a Halloween, and Mcgonagal had given all seventh and eighth years permission to go into Hogsmeade in the evening after the feast. Ron and Hermione had decided to go for a drink in the three broomsticks, and Harry had decided that he wasn't in the mood to third wheel. They were in love, after all, the last thing they needed was to drag a moping Harry around with them to ruin their date. He was just going to enjoy his dinner and have a nice early night. Maybe he'd be able to sleep soundly for once, he was so exhausted that he'd spent the day bumping into things and he could already feel a multitude of bruises forming.

Draco had also been ditched by his best friends, who were also headed out on a date that night. He was sulky. The conversation had gone quite differently to the one Harry had had with his friends.

'What are you going to do this evening Draco?', pansy had asked him ever so sweetly as they began to tuck into to their dinner.

'We aren't going to Hogsmeade?', he asked, frowning.

'We are,' she said, motioning to herself and Blaise, 'on a date, without you'. She pointed at him dramatically.

'What!', Draco exclaimed, offended.

'We love you, really, but you're just such a bore at the moment, always moping over Potter. Plus, I want to have sex with Blaise tonight, not you', she wiggled her eyes suggestively at her boyfriend, who reached over to tickle her. She squirmed away from him giggling.

'Ugh, stop that', Draco groaned , irritated, poking Pansy hard in the ribs.

'Ow!', she yelled indignantly.

'I don't want to know about your sex life Pansy, not with Blaise', he pulled a face at the thought of his two best friends.

'Shut up Draco, you know you love it', Blaise teased darkly, wiggling his eyebrows at Draco.

'You're just jealous cause you'll never get into Potters pants', Pansy said with an evil smirk.

Draco gaped at her. 'Am not!' He bit back, 'I'm not just after Potter for some easy sex', he growled, although let's not lie, he wouldn't say no.

'Just get over it already', Pansy sighed, throwing her hands up in the air. 'I'm sure you can find some nice piece of ass to shag tonight, you used to pull all the time and you'll forget all about Harry'.

Draco couldn't believe what he was hearing, this girl was unbelievable. He definitely didn't want to go into Hogsmeade with her tonight. Her shot her one last icy glare, then turned away from her, leaning closer to Theo who sat on his left side, to join in a conversation about the upcoming quidditch match between Slytherin and Ravenclaw. In his frustrated state, he didn't realise how blatantly Pansy had played him. She knew there was no chance of him moving on from Potter just like that, but she really did want a night with Blaise all to herself in Hogsmeade, and winding up Draco was definitely her speciality.

Harry left his friends in the entrance hall, wishing then a good date and refusing their insistence that he come with them.

'I'll be fine guys, really,' he said, 'I think I can survive one evening in my own'.

Hermione looked at him sadly - it was a look he was getting all too often at the minute-and he knew what she was going to say.

'But this isn't just any old evening Harry', she said softly.

'Yeah, I know', he replied in a whisper, 'but I'll be alright'.

'You sure?', Ron asked, slapping his shoulder lightly.

Harry nodded.

'Promise?', Hermione said.

'Promise'.

They shared a gentle smile of reassurance, then he stepped away, forcing his face into a big grin.

'As long as you promise not to have too much fun?' He joked.

'Well try our best', Ron said cheerily. Then he took his girlfriends arm and they disappeared out into the cold night with a wave. Harry smiled after them fondly. He didn't know what he'd do without them. He made his way up to the dormitories and slowly got ready for bed. It was early, but he didn't want to be awake and thinking any longer. He'd woken up this morning and firmly decided that he wasn't going to think about his parents today. He wasn't going to think about the war. He knew it wouldn't take much thinking before he broke. He clambered into bed, forcing himself to read a page of his history of magic book. It was incredibly dull, but that was the idea, and soon enough, he found himself drifting off into sleep.

Draco spent the evening in the common room, curled up on the sofa nearest the fire, reading through his potions notes. He'd been excelling exceptionally this year. It was wasn't that late, but after an hour or so, he got bored and decided that he might as well turn in, there wasn't anybody else around to talk to. He was surprised to find Harry asleep already in their room, he would have expected him to have spent their night of freedom out with his best friends. His hear fluttered at the sight of the boy, curled under his sheets, a history book lying open beside his head. He looked so peaceful and comfortable that it made Draco heart melt, the usual sadness and worry absent in sleep. It wasn't long before Draco was in bed too, a pair of dark green silk pyjama bottoms on. He'd decided to sleep shirtless, because even though it was cold outside, the roaring fire in the common room was making the rooms extremely warm, too warm for Draco's liking. Finally comfortable, snuggled under his duvet, Draco closed his eyes, relaxing into the mattress.

'Goodnight Harry', he whispered. His final thoughts were of a raven haired, bespectacled boy before he slipped away into his dreams.

Draco hadn't been asleep long before he was abruptly awoken by a shout. It was Harry. He was sobbing again, just like on their first night back, but much worse, ragged screams ripping from his throat. He thrashed wildly against his sheets, gasping desperately for breath in between his broken cries. Draco shot up out if bed, his heart beating madly, terrified at the sight of the boy he lived in such a state. He didn't know what to do. Glancing around the room, he saw that neither Ron or Blaise had returned, it was still just him and Harry, Harry who really needed someone to help him right now.

'Shit', he muttered, 'fuck'.

Harry was still screaming and Draco couldn't take it any longer. Against his better judgement, Draco rushed to the flailing boy's bedside. He knelt down beside Harry, tried to shake him awake. It didn't work. Harry only began to struggle more.

'Mum!', he shouted, 'please, please, don't, please, please, please...' His words crumbled into more hash sobs. Draco could barely stand the sight of it, it made his heart break. Not knowing what else to do, Draco climbed up into the bed and pulled the shaking boy into his arms, rocking him back and forth soothingly. It took a while, but he could feel Harry slowly coming back to him, the shouting stopped, but the sobbing continued, tears streaming down Harry's face soaking into Draco's skin as Draco pulled the boy tight against himself. After what felt like an eternity, Harry finally opened his eyes and Draco nearly fainted in relief.

Harry's green eyes met his still clouded with sleep and he clutched onto Draco desperately, frantically.

'He killed them Draco', he choked out hoarsely, 'because of me, my fault, it's all my fault', he heaved another heavy sob.

Draco's heart clenched painfully again. Of course, it was October 31st. The night Harry's parents had died. No wonder the poor boy was in such a state. He worked his hand into Harry's hair soothingly, tugging it gently, trying to calm him.

'Shhh, Harry, it's alright'.

Harry shook his head, 'it's never alright', he moaned.

'It will be', Draco said gently, trying hard not to focus on what it felt like to have Harry against his naked chest, have his hands in his silky hair. Harry was only letting himself be held like this because he was in such a state Draco reminders himself.

'I can't, it won't, I-', Harry sobbed out in a broken stammer.

Draco stroked a thumb over his cheek gently. 'Relax Harry, I got you, I got you'.

It seemed to work, he chanted it over and over, and Harry's tears slowed, his breathing steadied as they continued to rock back and forth. He thought Harry must be asleep, he'd gone so still and quiet.

'Sorry', he whispered hoarsely.

'What?', Draco asked, confused, Harry hadn't done anything.

'Woke you up', Harry mumbled, his lips moving against the skin of Draco's chest. He suppressed a shiver. Harry was clearly half asleep still.

'I don't mind', Draco murmured, not able to resist the temptation to bury his lips in Harry's hair.

'Fell asleep, I forgot...'

'Forgot the dreamless sleep? You know, that stuff is really addictive, you shouldn't b-'

'...To do the Silencing spell', Harry said with a hiccough, his voice barely more than a whisper.

Draco froze. What did Harry just say? Silencing spell? He used a silencing spell every night? This happened every night? He felt his blood grow cold. He felt extremely angry at both Harry and his friends. Why hadn't they done something to stop this, how could they let Harry suffer like this? He was just about to go off on one, lecture Harry about how this was not a good way to deal with something, when Harry grumbled sleepily at his suddenly rigid companion. Draco's heart melted, his couldnt he angry at him now, it just hurt so much to see him like this and know that he couldn't really comfort him, Harry didn't really want him. Hell, they're only just started speaking to one another, he didn't think what they had would even class as friendship.

'Alright', he whispered soothingly, making to get up.

Harry whimpered pitifully as Draco drew away, reaching out for him.

'Stay with me', Harry asked, pleaded almost. Draco's heart broke in that instant because Harry was so broken. So alone that he'd even ask his worst enemy for help, let his rival hold him like this. Not knowing what else to do he allowed himself to sink into the bed, pulling Harry back into his arms. Harry sighed into the embrace heavily as Draco buried his face in the boys hair.

'OK', he murmured.

A hot tear slipped down his cheek, this was so fucked up. Harry didn't deserve this. He held onto the smaller boy, they curled into each other, and within moments, both were fast asleep.

For the first time in months Harry felt himself relaxing, the memories of the dream fading. It had been horrible. He'd been a baby again and Voldemort had come to Godrics hollow to kill him. He'd killed both of Harry's parents, but then Harry's friends had arrived, and he'd killed them and Harry had to watch as the people he'd loved had died, falling one by one, too small and weak to do anything. Waking up in Draco's arms hadn't felt weird or uncomfortable, he'd felt safe. He'd never been held like this before, not that he could remember and the strong arms around him suddenly became the only thing keeping him grounded. In his terrified half asleep state, he'd do anything to cling onto that, even if it meant asking Malfoy, his not quite friend former rival to stay in his bed. In his bed! Harry didn't really know what he was going to do in the morning, or how he was going to feel, but for the moment he was content to be held tight in a warm embrace and fall back into sleep. It was the first night he slept through without another nightmare.


	11. Chapter 11

Ron and Blaise traipsed back in to the dorm in the early hours as the sun was rising. Their now pally girlfriends had dragged them on a double date and they'd stayed out way too late. Ron was exhausted and his brain felt addled, all he wanted was to fall into bed and sleep until dinner. When they entered, they were greeted with the sight of the two boys tangled together on Harry's bed, sleeping peacefully. Ron froze in shock. What the bloody hell was going on. He glanced at Blaise in horror but Blaise was grinning like a Cheshire Cat.

'What the fuck?', Ron muttered.

'Are you really that thick Weasly?', Blaise asked mockingly.

'Yeah clearly I am, cause I have no fucking clue why Malfoy is in my best friends bed right now'.

Before Blaise had time to react, Ron had strode over to Harry's bed and tugged the sleeping Malfoy out of it, shoving him onto the floor roughly. Malfoy's eyes snapped open in shock as Harry, still asleep, grumbled at the loss of his companion.

Draco wasn't expecting to be shoved out of bed, and it made him very angry.

'What the Fuck', he snarled, jumping up and advancing on Ron, pushing him back.

'Why the fuck are you in Harry's bed?', Ron yelled back.

Draco sneered at him.

'Because he asked me to'.

'Harry wouldn't want you in his bed, you're vile'.

'He did last night' Draco knew he shouldn't flaunt it like that, he was giving Ron a different idea to what really happen but he couldn't help it.

Weasly looked like he was going to explode, to Draco's satisfaction. At least he wasn't the only one suffering.

'What the hell?', he yelled again.

'He had a nightmare'

'So you just decided to crawl on in, half naked. You took advantage of him, what sort of sick game are you playing Malfoy?'

'Potter asked me to stay. Did you know he has nightmares every night'.

Draco watched as Weaslys face fell. So he did know about the nightmares, therefore he must know about the silencing spells. Draco's anger doubled with the knowledge.

'I know'

'You did nothing to stop it? You let him suffer?', Draco spat.

'No!', Ron shouted back.

'He uses fucking silencing spells to hide it, you didn't think that was a problem?'.

'He told you?', Ron gasped, going white as a sheet. Even Blaise was looking concerned now.

'Yeah, he did.'

'Fuck'

'Fuck exactly' Draco sneered back.

'We tried to help him', Ron half whispered.

'You didn't try hard enough', Draco snarled.

'Piss off Malfoy, you don't know what it's been like'.

'Oh do enlighten me, please', Draco sneered.

'It's none of your business Ferret', Ron spat, 'Harry isn't your friend, you don't have a right to care about him'.

Draco growled low in his throat. 'It became my business when Potter woke me up in the middle of the night screaming'. He wasn't about to admit the real reason he cared. Like he was gonna tell Weasel he was in love with his best friend. At this point in time it might give the angry ginger a real excuse to murder him. His tone was mocking, more so than he'd meant it to be and it sent Ron over the edge.

'Don't you dare fuck him around Malfoy. Harry's vulnerable right now, even you can see how messed up he is. The last thing we need is you sticking your nose in to mock him'.

'That's not what I'm doing', Malfoy snarled.

'Why would I believe you', Ron spat back.

In the midst of the fight, neither of them had noticed that the boy in question was now very much awake. Harry had gotten up from the bed and come to stand behind them. At least a head shorter than both of them, he glared up at them with eyes that burned with something Draco couldn't distinguish. He watched the two boys yell and shove one another.

Ron fell silent at the sight of him, going pale once more. Draco's eyes widened. How much had Harry heard?

'So that's what you think of me huh?' He said to Ron, his voice cracking.

'Harry-', Ron whispered quietly, but Harry cut him off again, rounding on Draco. 'And you! I thought...I...'

Harry didn't finish, just looked at him, eyes so full of fury and sadness and grief. Under the intensity of it Draco couldn't speak, didn't know what to say to make it better. What had happened last night wasn't something they could just forget. The way they'd held each other. That wasn't what sort of friends sort of rivals did. He didn't know what Harry felt about it and now thanks to stupid Weasly, he wouldn't be able to find out. Not when Harry looking at him with an expression that Draco might say was hatred. Why couldn't Draco catch a break?

Harry was panting hard and a few tears had escaped his eyes, slipping down face, still red and puffy from last night. Draco felt ice fill his veins. As much as he hated to admit it, Weasly was right, Harry was so broken.

'I'll never mock you', he said softly, 'not about this'. He hated how much pain the boy was in and he hated himself knowing he couldn't help. Harry blinked at him slowly, but the anger didn't fade.

'Just leave me alone'.

Ron looked shell shocked, he didn't know what to say, how to make up for what he's just said.

'Harry-' he tried again, stepping forward to try and embrace the smaller boy.

'Leave me alone Ron', Harry said again, his voice going hard, I mean it'.

Ron ignored him, reaching out to grab onto Harry's shoulders. 'Look mate, you know I didn't mean-'

Harry wasn't strong enough or big enough to push Ron away from him, but suddenly Ron stumbled back. Draco stared at Harry in shock. He'd just used wandless, non verbal magic. He hadn't realised Harry was so powerful, that he could do that. Harry looked heartbroken, Ron was standing away in sorrow.

'Stay away from me', he said in a whisper, clearly holding back his sobs.

Draco hated himself and he hated Weasly. Together they'd driven Harry to this, to using spells to push his friends away and if Draco knew one thing about Harry it was that his friends were the most important thing in the world to him. He and Ron had just broken his trust right in front of him.

Harry ran from the room, trying to stop the hot tears from falling. He sprinted blindly, finally coming to a stop in an empty corridor, whereabouts he wasn't sure. Harry wasn't really thinking rationally. The last 12 hours had been too bizarre, crying and hugging Malfoy, falling asleep with him, waking up to an angry Ron who apparently thought he was a head case. Why couldn't he just have normal, easy life? He didn't really know why he was so angry. Neither had really done anything horrifically wrong. So Ron was out of line calling Harry messed up, but it was true wasn't it? Harry knew it all came from a good place and that his friends were just worried. He'd put them through a lot. He'd made himself angry by using his wandless Magic. Over the summer he'd honed and mastered his skill but he'd kept it hidden because being so naturally good reminded him too much of Voldemort. The dark wizard had been a powerful magician and the thought of being similar terrified Harry. He wanted to get as far away from any association as possible, especially after he'd learnt last summer that he'd carried a part of Voldemort's soul within him for 17 years. Ron and Malfoy had just made him so mad... He couldn't use wandless too much anyway because he lost control too easily. He couldn't believe he'd let himself put his best friend in that much danger, what if Harry had lost himself? He'd never forgive himself.

And then there was Draco- Malfoy- Harry didn't know who the blonde was to him anymore, he didn't know how he felt or why he was so angry. When Draco had said he'd only helped him last night because Harry wouldn't shut up - thats what Harry had taken from it at least - his heart had sank inexplicably. Why was he expecting, hoping even, for the reason to be different? What reason did he want it to be? Harry didn't know that just yet but he was certain it wasn't going to be good. He didn't want to think about how good it felt to be held by the taller boy as he slept. Part of him resented his friend for waking him up like that, maybe if they'd woken up together...a significantly larger part of him was horrified at the very thought of it. He didn't want to acknowledge the fact that the warm embrace had shielded him from anymore nightmares. He couldn't let himself, so instead he'd just be angry with the blonde. The whole situation this morning had just been too much to cope with. He'd needed to get out of there and away from the confusion he felt. Unfortunately it followed him.

He wondered the corridor aimlessly. He was still in his pyjamas but he didn't really care. It was early Sunday morning and everyone had been out at Hogsmeade all night, no one would be up now. Try as he might, he couldn't force his mind stray away from the painful memories of that morning. Being so affected by his nightmares made Harry feel like a freak, and he'd definitely just been made to feel like one. It was just the way they'd spoken about him. Freak. That was what Uncle Vernon had always called him. He hated feeling weak and pitied. The problem was, he didn't know how to fix himself, nothing seemed to make him feel real feelings, make him laugh, keep the nightmares at bay. Except Malfoy... Harry wasn't going to think about that.

After a visit to the kitchen for a couple of slices of treacle tart, he spent the morning down at the quidditch pitch, soaring as high and as fast as he could, trying to make his mind go blank as his anger settled down and wishing he could just disappear into the clouds forever.


	12. Chapter 12

Harry flew for hours, until his cheeks stung and the sky began to grow dusky. He was so angry and he couldn't seem to calm down. It was nothing that hadn't been said before and if he was brutally honest with himself it was all true, he was a fucking mess. It was just the way they had talked about him, like he was some damaged child that couldn't look after himself. It was Malfoy seeing him like that and really, Harry was mostly just angry with himself for becoming so weak. He didn't want anyone to find out about his nightmares but now the whole dorm did, and merlin knows who else would by now. He hadn't even told Ginny about it. And then there was last night. What had happened was way too much for Harry to process, the way he'd felt much too scary to think about. But after last night... something felt different inside him self and he couldn't figure out why but it was that that was making him angry, there was an anxious fluttering in his chest, like his heart was trying to escape.

Eventually he had to come back to earth, as much as he wanted to just float away forever, he couldn't. Swearing to himself to ignore any weird feelings he landed back on the quidditch pitch and wondered into the lockers to take a shower. It was freezing out in the November evening and Harry suddenly felt completely starving. He found some spare clothes in the lost property of the changing rooms, he hadn't stopped to get dressed before storming out that morning and he wasn't about to wear his pyjamas down to dinner. He found a long sleeve grey tshirt at the bottom of the basket, soft and it smelled good, familiar but he couldn't place it. It reached to his thighs and he had to roll the sleeves up a bit. Whoever owned this shirt was tall but Harry didn't care, he liked it and he was hardly a stranger to oversized clothing. He found a pair of black tracksuit bottoms as well. Not the most stylish or practical of outfits, but since when did he care what his clothes looked like anyway and it was comfortable. Stomach grumbling, he left for dinner.

Harry braced himself as he made his way into the dining hall. He didn't really feel forgive Ron, he'd really hurt Harry that morning, but it was the easiest thing to do, he couldn't deal with any more drama. He just wanted things to go back to normal. Or at least as normal as life could be after everything they'd been through. Anyway, he'd gone awol all day and he knew how much Hermione worried and he definitely didn't need another thing to feel guilty about. He knew his best friends were trying to do what they thought was best, and he couldn't blame them really, his temper had always been awful and then on top of everything else... someone collided with him before he'd so much as stepped trough the door. Long arms wrapped themselves around him tightly. Ron. The ginger boy was chanting his remorse looking so pathetic that Harry couldn't help but laugh as he shoved his best friend away.

'Harry listen-'

'It's fine Ron', Harry cut in sharply.

'I know but-'

'No really, it wasn't that bad'

'It was though, I should never have said those things, I was just angry cause, you know, and well-'

'Ron!', Harry exclaimed loudly, 'its alright'

He noticed Ron hadn't mentioned anything about not meaning what he'd said and it made his heart sink a little further in his chest.

Ron peered anxiously at him. 'Are you sure?'

'Yes', Harry forced a grin.

'I really am sorry, I overreacted'

'It's ok'

Ron beamed. Harry felt his gut twist angrily. It wasn't ok, not really, he wasn't ok but he couldn't tell his friends that. He couldn't tell anyone that.

Together they made their way to the Gryffindor table. Harry glanced over at the Slytherins. No blonde head. He felt his heart beat a little faster. He ignored it.

'So', Ron said as they sat down, 'wandless magic eh?'

Harry grimaced. He'd forgotten all about that.

'I didn't want to, I just-'

He was interrupted by Hermione who'd just joined them. 'Oh Harry!' She cried, 'are you ok? I knew we shouldn't have left you alone last night, then of course Ronald had to go and ruin everything and where have you been all day I was so worried and-'

'Geez Mione I'm fine', Harry said putting a hand on her arm.

She looked at him like she could see straight through the lie.

'Please Mione, I don't want to talk about it and I don't think I can deal with anymore sympathy. I can handle this ok?'.

She peered up at him with concern. 'Do you promise?'

Harry didn't know how to respond to that one, so he just shrugged.

Hermione purses her lips and frowned, but thankfully she dropped it.

They chatted benignly about class and friends with Harry dropping in and out of the conversation, feeling slightly at ease. Until he glanced up and met Malfoys eyes. He froze. He hadn't decided what he was going to say to the blonde boy, if anything at all, and now Malfoy was looking at him with wide, concerned eyes and it made Harry's heart beat faster and he shiver involuntarily. Hermione noticed.

'You know whatever you are feeling is ok, Harry, and if you ever want to talk, about anything, then that's ok too,

'I'm fine', he muttered, bowing his head again, but he could still feel the searing stare from across the room and his heart beat as it gently slowed. Sensing Harry's discomfort she changed the subject again.

'So how come you've not told me about your wandless magic?' She said, back to her usual bossy tone.

Harry shrugged again. 'Didn't really think it was a big deal, it's just really easy for me, I dunno'

Harry James Potter, you need to be using your full potential! We are eighth year students and wandless magic could really bag you a few points in the newts if you start using it correctly!'

Ron rolled his eyes at Harry and Harry grinned back as Hermione continued. He really did love his friends, even if sometimes he forgot that.

Draco didn't see Harry until dinner and he was going slowly crazy with worry. He didn't trust Harry not to do something stupid, especially after what he'd seen last night. Harry truly was broken and wouldn't seem to let anyone fix him. When there eyes met at dinner, Draco felt as if a storm was building between them, something powerful and consuming, but then litter looked away and Draco felt as if a needle was being pushed slowly into his heart. Pansy patted his back sympathetically and he turned to glare at her.

'What?' She said, the picture of innocence.

'You aren't helping', he growled.

Dinner seemed to drag by, he really wasn't in the mood for small talk, there was only one person he wanted to talk to and he wasn't even sure if that person would ever talk to him again. Then again, he was talking to the weasel, so maybe he had a chance. He couldn't help frequently glancing over at the Gryffindors, at Harry, but the boy didn't meet his eyes again. Eventually dinner was finished and Draco watched as Harry stood and then excused himself, quickly walking round the tables and out into the entrance hall. He wasn't going to let Harry avoid him. He caught up with the small Gryffindor just as he exited the great hall.

'Potter' he called.

Harry kept walking.

'Potter' he called again, this time louder. He knew Harry could hear him.

'Harry' he said.

That did it. Harry stopped in his tracks, but didn't turn around until Draco had gotten closer. He spun slowly once Draco reached him but he refused to meet Draco's eyes. They were standing so close, Draco could feel the other boy's warmth and it made him ache.

'Draco', he said, his voice wavering slightly.

'Harry listen, I'm really sorry, about last night, about this morning, I didn't mean any of it, I-'

'Look it's fine, ok', Harry said bluntly, taking a step back. He still wouldn't look at Draco's face.

'I really am sorry' he said. He didn't think he'd ever meant something so much. He was rarely one to apologise.

'I know', Harry said gently, 'it's ok'.

Draco couldn't believe Harry was really going to forgive him as easily as that. The Potter he'd grown up with was stubborn and defiant, and none of those qualities seemed to be rearing their heads now.

'It was my fault really', Harry said, ''I'm the one to blame, so that's why, that's why...'

He trailed off, looking miserable and Draco had to fight the impulse to pull the boy into him.

'Harry-' he started.

'I'm sorry, Malfoy, we can't be friends anymore'.

Draco froze, completely taken aback. He'd expected some sort of retaliation from Harry, but not this. He didn't know how to respond, couldn't. After a moment, Harry looked up, finally meeting Draco's gaze. His expression was set, hard and dull, no trace of emotion behind those beautiful green eyes. Draco felt a tiny flare of anger.

'It's not you', Harry tried, 'well actually it is but you didn't do anything wrong, I just can't do it, this', he gestured between them.'Is being friends can't work because you can't help me on this one, no one can. So please, please don't try and save me'

Harry tore his eyes off Draco and fixed them on the wall and Draco could have sworn him mutter something about not deserving tonne saved anyway, but he was in too much of a state now to think very much about it. Who did Harry think he was saying they couldn't even be friends. How come the Weasel had gotten so much slack. Why couldn't Harry fucking see that he couldn't do this alone, that the nightmares and guilt and loneliness he was suffering from was eating him up. The anger swirling in his chest seemed to bubble up and he snarled in frustration, running a hand through his hair.

'Fuck you Harry, this isn't just hurting you anymore. Can't you see what it's doing to your friends?', and me, he added silently. 'Stop acting like a child and why are you wearing my jumper?'. He'd just realised why he recognised Harry's sweater, he'd lost it a few weeks back.

Harry flushed slightly, nearly dissolving Draco's anger but not quite. He had to be angry with Harry right now, or else he'd cry.

Harry's voice was softer now, almost sad. 'I just found it. I'm sorry ok? Its better this way, trust me'.

With that he turned around and strode off quickly, leaving Draco standing on the middle of the corridor like an idiot. He couldn't quite believe what had just happened. Nothing but anger consumed him, he daren't let anything else wiggle its way in or he may just have a breakdown. He'd allowed himself to get too involved, too invested and look what had happened. He should've known it wouldn't have worked out anyway, he was just a scum death eater as far as Harry was concerned, "it's not you, well actually, it is". That's what he'd said. Draco loved Harry, so entirely and so painfully but there was only so much he could take. And so standing there, in the empty corridor, he began to build back up his barriers, locking his heart away so he wouldn't be able to feel how much it hurts Harry wanted him gone and so Draco had to oblige, even though it would kill him to do so. Maybe he really couldn't rescue the saviour after all.

Harry felt near to tears as he walked away from Draco but he didn't know what else to do. He couldn't bear to look up into Malfoy's face and see pity or anything if the sort. The blonde had been the one thing keeping him sane, making things feel like they could get better but that couldn't happen anymore, not now Draco knew how screwed up he was. He finally reached the eight year dormitories , heading straight for his room and curling up in his bed. Quickly and quietly he muted silencing charms, then pulled the curtains around his bed tight shut and finally let himself give in to everything that was welling up inside him with choked sobs. He'd never felt more alone in his life.


	13. Chapter 13

That night, Harry's nightmares were the worst they'd been in months. They'd only been that bad in the few weeks after the war. Twice he woke sobbing, beyond glad he'd remembered to set up his enchantments. The second time he woke, he sat upright until his tears stemmed, watching the rhythmic rise and fall of the blondes chest in the bed next to him. Malfoy always seemed to sleep shirtless and it made something in Harry's gut writhe uncomfortably and his face heat. Why did it feel like he was just in the edge of something he didn't understand yet? Surely he was just jealous that his own body looked nothing like that? But now, bathed in moonlight all Harry could think was how beautiful the boy looked. Then he remembered how it had felt to be cradled against that chest and the peaceful moment came crashing down. He'd decided he wasn't going to think about this, wasn't going to wonder what was stirring in him when he thought about Malfoy because it would inevitably end badly, that was part of the reason why he'd told Malfoy to stay away, alongside the embarrassment and anger and everything else of course. He lay back down, dreading the morning because it meant potions class, which meant he'd have to speak to Malfoy. The anger in his eyes earlier when Harry had told him they couldn't be friends...he knew it wasn't fair on the blonde but he could see no alternative. This was for the best. There was so much else swimming around in his head and he had to leave those kind of thoughts unthought. Potions really wasn't going to be fun.

Draco couldnt sleep, tossing and turning all night, pressing his face into the pillow sorrowfully, wondering for a minute if he should just suffocate himself now and end his suffering. His dedication to forget all about Harry wasn't going so well. Remembering the warm body curled into his wasn't helping. The wretched weasel seemed to have squirmed his way back in, which made him furious. Hadn't he been the one that called Harry messed up? How could it end up being him who Harry didn't want to speak to anymore? Maybe Harry was angry at him for sleeping in his bed, maybe Draco had taken advantage of him after all. Harry had been sort of delirious when he'd asked him to stay. Draco didn't have a clue how he was going to get around this. Being the Slytherin he was, he had none of the Gryffindor courage to march up to Harry and tell him how he really felt, or anything of the sort. He was supposed to be cunning, find a way to trick Harry into forgiving him, but he just didn't have it in him. His heart hurt too much. Harry's words kept ringing in his head. 'We aren't even friends', he'd said. He repeated it to himself like a mantra. Who was he kidding, Harry would never love him, they'd been on two sides of a war, it could never work. Draco had done so many things in the past to hurt Harry, been so cruel and Harry had always fought back. He didn't deserve Harry anyway. What was the point in trying. A bitterness was slowly filling him. What could he really do for the boy anyway?

Draco didn't even look at him during their potions lesson. Although Harry thought this would have been a relief, he just felt a cold, aching loss settle in his chest every time he saw the blonde who was completely refusing to acknowledge his existence. Much to his surprise Harry had enjoyed being partners with Malfoy and before the weekend they'd been getting on unexpectedly well. But then again hadn't this been what he wanted? Harry had, in essence, told Draco to piss off. However every time he looked over at the blonde the bubble of regret inside him just seemed to grow bigger. It was a bizarre thing to think but what if...? But that was ridiculous and thinking to much about it made Harry's head hurt and put him in a bad mood, or at least a worse mood. He was always in a bad mood these days.

Hermione caught him after potions, lips pursed disapprovingly. Over breakfast he'd been forced to tell his best friends all about what had happened with Malfoy yesterday evening, and whilst Ron had looked rather smug about it, Hermione had seemed quite angry with him, which Harry hadn't expected.

'Can't you see how miserable you both are Harry', she said.

'I dunno', Harry replied defensively, 'it's not my fault', he ignored the raised eyebrows she sent him, 'I'm sure he hates me now anyway and there's nothing I can do about it!'

'Harry are you serious!', she exclaimed, 'I mean really!'

'Mione what else was I supposed to do!', he objected.

'Boys,' she muttered, 'don't know what's good for them when it's staring them in the bloody face'. Harry could have sworn she growled. 'I need to go and find pansy, and you', she said, pointing at him harshly, 'behave'.

Harry watched her go with confusion. He really just didn't have a clue anymore.

Days had past since the incident and everything seemed to be rolling downhill at top speed. Malfoy kept ignoring him in potions which was getting increasingly annoying. He wouldn't even acknowledge him in the corridors, other than when he'd occasionally shove into Harry as they passed each other. Harry didn't have the heart or energy to fight back. Ron and Hermione seemed to tiptoe around him as if they were walking on eggshells and he couldn't blame them, even Ginny had backed off a bit. It wouldn't take too much for him to snap, it was all getting to be too much for him. The nightmares had become almost unbearable and sleep was more broken than ever on top of the forlorn and disapproving looks he got from the other boys in the dormitory as he cast his charms each night and the angry glares passed between Ron and Malfoy. After the fight, no one had dared to talk about an alternative of a cure. Harry was glad. He didn't think his volatile temper would last it out and everyone knew it. Problem was, Harry knew he was in desperate need of a cure, because the horrors he was faced with each night were slowly consuming him from the inside, guilt and fear and anger beginning to violently seep into his waking life as well. One day he feared he'd wake up and not be able to tell the difference. Not quite worse, but just as bad was his schoolwork. There was so much of it and Harry couldn't keep up, not even with Hermione's help. All in all, he was just about ready to give up.

Harry left the library a short while before curfew, reluctant to leave and go to bed. Ron and Hermione had left hours ago and Harry hadn't missed the troubled looks they'd sent each other as said goodbye. Hermione had kissed the top of his head tenderly and Harry had felt bizarrely like crying. It had been a tough week and he was so tired but he knew he wouldn't sleep, not properly. The last night he'd slept for a solid amount of time had been about a week ago when he'd slept in someone's arms but that was an issue he'd steered well clear of, both with his friends and with himself, even though Hermione had attempted to broach the subject a number of times. He rounded the corner and spotted Malfoy. He groaned inwardly. Just what he needed. As it usually and annoyingly did around the blonde these days, his heart rate sped up and the hollowness in his chest became achingly obvious. Malfoy was with Blaise, and he looked angry, wringing his hands and pacing. Very un-Malfoy like. It looked as though they were arguing. Harry stilled, frozen at the end of the corridor. He couldn't seem to remember how to move. They hadn't seen him yet.

'You can't do this anymore Draco, you're both miserable' Blaise said frustratedly.

'You don't think I know that', Draco said, almost yelling.

'Maybe try again, apologise, or-'

'Blaise, I haven't done anything wrong!'

'I know-'

'I just can't do it anymore! I can't look into those eyes and know there's nothing there for me. Can't even be friends! My heart hurts'.

His voice faltered slightly there, and Harry felt his own heart falter with it. What was wrong with Malfoy? Who was doing this to him? Harry felt a surge of anger. They may not be speaking anymore, but it hurt him that Malfoy was hurt.

'You're in love Draco, it's going to hurt!', Blaise exclaimed, throwing his hands up in exasperation, then reaching up to grip Draco's shoulders, shaking them roughly.

'I don't want to be in love anymore'

'Don't just give up'

Harry felt his stomach lurch. Malfoy was in love? With who? Did he know her? Harry suddenly wanted the stone floor to swallow him up, he didn't want to hear this anymore but he still couldn't force his legs to go.

'Blaise, you've been on at me to get over it since day one, now here I am, getting over it and you won't let me', Draco snarled.

'You can't just 'get over it' it doesn't work like that'. Blaise's voice was nearly a whisper.

'I'm going to make it work. It has to, I can't wait forever for something that will never happen. We aren't even fucking looking at each other'.

Harry didn't think he'd ever heard Malfoy sound so miserable. The thought of Malfoy being with someone filled him with a strange sadness and it scared him. Things were beginning to click into place in his head and he didn't like where it was going. Lost in thought as he was, Harry didn't realise the voices had fallen silent.

'Spying now potter?', Malfoy said suddenly. They'd noticed him. Harry jumped but didn't have time to move before Malfoy was advancing on him. He hadn't spoken to Malfoy in a week and didn't think the blonde would appreciate him listening in to this very private conversation. This most definitely wasn't the best situation to have found himself in.

'I, er, I was, well...', Harry stuttered, backing slowly away. He felt his back hit the cold stone wall of the corridor and gulped. He was trapped. Malfoy stepped closer, one arm across Harry's chest, pinning him down. Being a good head taller than Harry and a whole lot stronger for it, there was no way Harry could escape the blondes grip using his own strength and for some god unknown reason he couldn't even sum up his magic to fight Draco off. He'd conquered the most powerful dark wizard of their time, now he couldn't even fight off another student.

'Draco, let him go, you don't want to do this'.

Harry nearly collapsed with relief as he remembered Blaise, who thankfully didn't hate his guts right now. Maybe he'd be spared.

'Stay out of this Blaise', Malfoy snarled.

Maybe not then. Harry couldn't see Blaise, but nothing more was said. Clearly he'd decided to let Draco do his worst. Harry shut his eyes and waited for the blows. And waited. Nothing came. Malfoy was still pinning him against the wall, panting hard, and Harry could feel his breath on his face, hot and heavy. Opening his eyes cautiously he peered into Malfoy's grey ones. He couldn't recognise the turbulent emotion held in them. His cheeks grew pink as he suddenly noticed how beautiful they were and felt heat flooding down to his groin uncomfortably. Now really wasn't the best time to be having thoughts like this, he really shouldn't enjoy being pushed against the wall by Malfoy, but the truth was, he did. Why did he enjoy this? What was wrong with him!?

His blush didn't escape Malfoy's notice.

'You like being held down, eh Potter?' He sneered.

'Get off me Malfoy', Harry said, struggling in vain against the strong grip.

'Not until you've apologised', Malfoy whispered, leaning forward so his lips almost brushed against Harry's ear. Harry squirmed away from him, but his body was betraying him as he shuddered. Malfoys free hand trailed absently down Harrys arm, making him shiver again, the other, the one keeping him down edging lower down his chest, coming to rest so Malfoy's palm was pressed flat against his torso. Why was he doing this, why couldn't he just punch him and get it over with.

'Come on Potter', Malfoy said, in a sultry whisper again.

'Sorry', Harry breathed out, he needed this interaction to stop before he did something stupid or Malfoy noticed just how much he was affecting the small brunette boy. He could feel something powerful blossoming in his chest and it made him want to laugh and cry, but most of all it terrified him.

'Good', Malfoy snapped, straightening back up to his full height and shoving Harry hard against the wall, 'just stay out of my way, I don't want to be near you'.

Harry ached at the loss of Draco's warm hand on his chest and at the gaping hole that was ripping through him in its place. Suddenly the last piece of the puzzle clicked into place. He understood now. Stupid tears pricked his eyes, and he blinked rapidly trying to clear them. He shouldn't feel like this, he didn't feel things like this, not anymore, not because of Malfoy.

'Bloody hell, are you crying?', Malfoy asked, suddenly stepping away from him in surprise.

Harry shook his head, hiding his face.

'For Merlins sake Potter', Malfoy spat.

'Fuck you Malfoy' Harry spat, needing desperately to get away, to escape. He shoved at Malfoy and scrambled away from the two boys in the corridor as quickly as he possibly could and sprinted off. Harry ran and ran, out of the castle and into the grounds until he reached the shore of the lake, and slumped down by a tree. He was mortified with himself. It was dark and cold. Harry shivered violently but it wasn't the weather making him shake. There was only one person made him breathless and dizzy and anxious and excited all at once. Only one person that could make him feel safe and protected without even trying. Only one person that actually made him feel alive. He could no longer deny to himself what Malfoy meant to him. Malfoy made him feel things, passionate and intense. Since the war, everything he felt was dull, like a heavy fog had settled over him. Malfoy was the only one that seemed to be able to cut through it, like a beacon of light that managed to find him every time it shone. In the days they hadn't spoken, the fog seemed to have settled again, only this time it was thicker and darker. He used to think he hated Malfoy, but he didn't. He'd hated his uncle. He'd hated Voldermort. Hated his death eaters, hated the war and how much he'd lost, sometimes he hated himself for letting it happen. He knew now he didn't hate the blonde boy. What he felt was just as intense but exactly the opposite. He was in love with Draco Malfoy. Shit. And that same boy had him up against a wall, snarling about how much he hated Harry. Heavy sobs wracked through him as he sat in the dark feeling even more broken than before. Why did he have to fall for the one person who would never, could never love him back.

Draco hadn't been able to focus on his work this week, the anger and despair he felt at loosing Harry was all consuming. That's why he's failed his potions essay. Failed! He Draco Malfoy had failed a paper! It was however very hard to concentrate to what Slughorn was saying when all his attention was focused on not paying attention to Harry. Draco knew it was ridiculous but he couldn't help it. Blaise wasn't having it any more and finally he'd snapped, dragged the sighing Draco out into the corridor and told him deal with it, he couldn't listen to any more love sick ranting. Obviously that had made Draco even angrier, Blaise couldn't understand why now he was trying to get over Harry, when Harry has become all he wanted. Then when Harry had stumbled upon them combined with all Draco's pent up feelings... Although he felt bad about it there was something so enticing about Potter being pinned underneath him, helpless and vulnerable. He couldn't help it really, Harry probably wouldn't notice that Draco was feeling him up. He was pleasantly surprised to find that although much, much too skinny, Harry was muscular, he could feel his abs through the thin shirt. Harry looked terrified, which amused Draco but also surprised him. Harry could snap his fingers and reverse their positions immediately couldn't he? He'd seen how powerful he was, but the anguish in his eyes, the way he'd breathed out his words... Draco couldn't help but wonder if Harry hadn't completely hated it. Then Draco just had to take it one step further and scare him and off he went, crying for Merlins sake. Did he want to be alone forever? He's seen first hand his fragile Harry had become, why couldn't he have been more sensitive? It wasn't exactly like he had any chance being with Harry, he'd already completely ruined that for himself years ago. Above all the anger and annoyance at his situation, worry nibbled away at him, because since did Potter run away and cry? Since when did Potter not fight? He remembered how distraught Harry had been on the night of Halloween. There was something very wrong with Harry, and Draco could only hope that someone could fix him before he was lost.


	14. Chapter 14

Harry's head already hurt by the time he got down to breakfast. It was drizzling outside, and the grey weather did nothing to lift his spirits. His every thought was consumed by Draco. Last night his nightmares had featured the blonde boy, he was present more often than not nowadays. He'd been standing with Voldemort, Harry curled broken at their feet. Draco had laughed at him, told him he hated him, told him he'd never be loved by anyone. Then Voldemort had pulled out his wand, sending a curse at Harry that never hit because Harry had woken up, dripping with sweat and shaking violently. He was beginning to lose touch between his dreams and reality and it was hard not to feel crushed by the words, because Harry knew they were true. Draco hated him. He would never love Harry, however much Harry loved him. He didn't think anyone could ever truly love him, he didn't deserve it, not in this state and it didn't look like there was any way to fix himself.

The great hall was already full when he entered, but fortunately his friends had saved him a seat. Unfortunately, that seat was right opposite Draco's, three tables across, but still. Wasn't sleeping in the bed next to him torture enough?

'Mornin' Harry', Seamus chirped cheerfully.

'Hey', he replied halfheartedly.

Seamus tried to chat more, but Harry wasn't really in the mood, and soon the boy gave up.

'Shit Harry, you look horrendous!', Ginny exclaimed as she flopped down onto the bench opposite him.

Harry couldn't even find it in himself to scowl back, not even her light hearted, cheerful manner would save him today. Ron and Hermione soon joined them, Ron swearing under his breath as he looked at Harry, surely he didn't look that bad.

'What happened to you last night mate? I didn't see you come back', Ron said, his forehead creased with concern.

Harry shrugged noncommittally. Truth was, he'd not come back at all last night, just paced the grounds and then falling asleep under a tree, sinking deeper into his self hatred and misery, but Ron didn't need to know that.

'Harry', Hermione said gently, 'did you even go to bed last night? Ron said you weren't in the room this morning when he got up?'

'Yes', no, 'woke up early'. He shrugged again and Ron's frown deepened.

Harry picked at his eggs miserably. He wasn't really hungry. He shivered. He could still feel the cold from last night aching in his bones and whimpered gently despite himself, missing the way Hermione's eyes widened and Ron jaw clenched. He glanced up at the Slytherin table, already knowing he would regret it. Draco was sitting amongst a big group of his friends, smirking smugly. He watched as another eighth year Slytherin, Tracy Davis, approached the table and dropped herself right into Draco's lap. Harry froze, feeling his stomach flip and his heart break. He remembered Draco and Blaise's conversation, he knew Draco was in love, he just hadn't seen it before now. So it was Tracy, she was the girl they had spoken about. Harry felt the coldness in his stomach heat into a bubbling rage as Tracy reached up and smoothed Draco's hair out of his face, giggling as she did, Draco playfully swatting her hand away. He couldn't take it anymore. He stood abruptly, pushing his plate away from him, anger boiling inside. He hated it, hated that the person he loved loved someone else and hated him. He didn't want to see it anymore.

'Harry!', Hermione exclaimed in worry, but he ignored her.

Draco's eyes snapped to him, narrowing as he regarded Harry. Harry stood still for a moment, locked in Draco's gaze, and then he turned, storming out if the hall.

In the midst of his jealous turmoil, he'd completely missed the annoyance in Draco's face as Tracy had fawned over him, missed the way he'd shoved her off with a snide remark, missed the sneer she's sent him at the rejection.

He made it out if the hall, eyes suddenly filled with angry tears. With his vision blurred, he couldn't see, and walked straight into someone. He stumbled back, glaring at who ever had interrupted his angry retreat. It was a sixth year girl, he recognised her as one of the girls that had followed him around when the year had begun. Her eyes widened dramatically at the sight of him looking so upset.

'Harry', she gasped.

'Go away', he muttered, trying to step round her.

'I'll make it all better', she simpered. She put her hands in his upper arms possessively, forcing him to look at her. She was nearly taller than him, with long dark hair, and big brown eyes. Her nose and cheeks were tickled with freckles, her lips full and pink. She also had rather large boobs, Harry noted, but they didn't really do much for him. Draco didn't have boobs, he remembered, well obviously not, he's a boy, he thought to himself stupidly. The girl noticed him glancing at her chest and pouted at him seductively.

'It's rude to stare Harry', she giggled, walking forwards.

Harry backed away, realising she'd gotten the wrong idea. She thought he was interested. His back hit the wall. Oops. Last time he'd been pinned to a wall it had gone terribly wrong and he'd fallen in love. Walls and Harry weren't a good idea.

'Hey, I'm not-' he protested.

'Shhh, shhh Harry, it's ok'.

She pressed herself against him, and Harry squirmed away from it. He really wasn't enjoying this, but she wasn't listening to him and he couldn't push her away because he was just so tired, and he didn't trust his magic to stay under his control and he wouldn't let himself hurt anyone else. He never seemed to be able to get these girls to listen. He glanced down the corridor, hoping to spot someone that could help him. He saw the last person he wanted to see. Draco. The blonde was standing at the end, completely frozen, face etched with disgust. Harry's mind snapped back to the hall a few moments ago, he'd forgotten all about what he's just seen what with this girl trying to force herself on him, but now it came rushing back forcefully. Anger pulsed through him. He'd show Malfoy. Not even thinking, he crashed his lips forward, meeting the girls lips. Her lips were soft. That's all he could think. There were no fireworks, no emotions, nothing. He didn't feel anything. The emptiness of the kiss pulled him back into reality. What the hell was he doing? He shook his head violently, breaking away from the kiss. The brown haired girl liked back indignantly, much to his relief. She swore at him, annoyed, and then stormed off. Oh well, Harry thought, she started it. Then he remembered Draco. The blonde was still standing at the end of the corridor, rigid with anger. Why the hell was he angry, he wasn't the one who's just had his heart broken, again, Harry was. Harry felt what was left of his broken heart crash and burn. He'd felt nothing for that girl, there wasn't even any lust or desire. The only person he wanted was Draco, and that kiss had brought it home just how much he wanted him. And it was never, ever going to happen.

Draco couldn't fathom why Tracy was being so clingy today, he'd told her many a time he wasn't in the slightest bit interested, but she didn't seem to get it into her thick skull what that meant. In his head, he was slowly going crazy, because Harry hadn't come back to the dorm last night and Draco knew something was very wrong with the boy he couldn't stop loving and there was nothing he could do. He hated feeling helpless. Then Harry had stormed out, and Draco's mood had gone even more sour. Hard as he was trying to get over Harry, it was completely useless. His love for they boy had stayed just as strong, even as the bitterness and anger mounted. Not being able to unable to stop himself, Draco stood also, briskly following Harry out of the hall and down a corridor. Before he could catch up to Harry, a stupid sixth year girl barrelled straight into him, stopping Harry in his tracks. Maybe that was for the best anyway, Draco thought, what was he thinking he would do once he caught up to him, They'd done nothing but fight for the last week. He watched with mild sympathy as Harry tried to back off, knowing how much he hated those bratty fans. He nearly laughed as Harry backed himself into a wall, stupid boy. Then the girl pressed herself right up against him, sparing no surface. He froze in horror. What was she doing? He felt his blood boiling with jealous rage. She couldn't touch Harry like that, no one could. Harry seemed to be as frozen as he was, looking desperately around for help. Then his eyes met Draco's. For a moment of was like the world stopped. The intensity between them was palpable, for a moment Draco forgot all about the anger and hatred that had passed between them, all he could think was Harry.

Then Harry's eyes hardened and Draco watched in horror as he turned away and kissed the girl that was pushing into him like a desperate whore.

His whole world turned upside down in that instant. It was like the final blow, Harry would never love him, as clear as day. He'd known it before, but now...

He watched as Harry pushed the girl off him and she ran off, crying. Good, he thought, it's what she deserves. Harry stayed where he was, back pressed to the wall, panting, almost like he'd forgotten how to breathe. Draco advanced on him, barely suppressing the rage that churned in him.

'What the fuck was that Potter', he snarled.

Harry glared coldly at him.

'You saw'. He said flatly.

'Why the fuck would you kiss her?' He growled

'Because I can fuck who I want Malfoy, it's none of your business', Harry's said, his voice flat and empty.

Draco snapped, the thought of Harry with these girls turning his blood to fire, and couldn't remember that he had no right to be angry. But Of course Harry could do what he wanted, he had no obligation to Draco. He saw red. He didn't think straight. All he wanted to do was hurt the boy in font of him, make him feel the pain Draco was feeling. He punched hard, striking Harry in the jaw heavily. Harry grunted but other than that didn't move, didn't try to run or defend himself. Draco struck again, this time in Harry's stomach.

'Fight back', Draco snarled when the boy didn't retaliate.

Harry didn't answer, just stood there, his features drowned in sorrow. Draco became a madman, throwing punch after punch, striking every inch of the skin that that putrid girl had touched. What killed him the most was the refusal on Harry's part to fight. He took every punch without a word. The silence helped Draco to forget what he was doing, who he was hurting. It let his anger take over. All he could think about was how much he hurt. He kicked out again, hard, but his foot never made contact. Strong arms has gripped onto his shoulders and pulled him back, throwing him against the cold stone wall. The force of it jolted Draco out of his fervour. Before he could react, a heavy punch was landed on his jaw, accompanied by a snarling yell from none other than Ron Weasly.

'Get. The. Fuck. Away. From. Him'.

Draco panted, staring hard at Weasly, still feeling very detached from reality, not yet aware of what he had just done. He'd never seen the red head look so furious, his eyes glinting angrily, face flushed a dangerous shade. Then he heard Harry whimper and it was as if the world came crashing down. He and Weasly broke their eye contact, spinning abruptly to face the smaller boy who may crumpled on the ground. He was trying to pull himself up by it clearly wasn't working, he was in too much pain. Bruises were already flourishing under his tan skin, his face swollen, a few tears tracked over his cheeks. He was holding his leg funny, and his hand was clutching at his ribs. Oh Gods, Draco thought, had he broken Harry's ribs? Tears sprang to Draco's eyes as a wave of self loathing and hatred washed over him and he let out a sob. He'd done this, done this to the boy he loved. Done it because he was selfish. Even though he knew Harry was in so much pain already. He hadn't been able to controls his anger. Who knows what would have happened if Ron hadn't intervened. Ron was clearly had the same thought.

'I'm going to kill you', he growled, making to advance in Draco.

He made to hit him again but another person suddenly appeared, stopping the fist from making contact with Draco's face. It was Blaise. Draco was still thrashing about in his rage, not able to really process what was going on. Blaise shoved Ron off Draco, who looked just about as mad as the blonde did right now.

'You fucking idiot Draco', he snarled. Then he punched him, full force. Draco doubled over, groaning as the wind was knocked out of him.

He felt his legs give way under him and he slumped to the floor, shaking. He couldn't believe he'd just done that to Harry, the boy he loved, couldn't even remember doing it but he knew it had happened from the painful sting of his knuckles. Why hadn't Harry fought back? Why hadn't he stopped him? Blaise knelt down by him, looking angry and confused.

'What did you do Draco ', he growled.

'I don't know, I don't know', he whispered, forcing himself to hold back a sob.

Harry whimpered slightly as he moved, trying hard to sit up, but his bruised torso failed him. Horror filled Draco as he watched and he made to reach for Harry, needing to do anything he could to make it better.

'Don't you dare touch him', Ron snarled, moving in between Draco and his best friend.

Draco thought his heart would break but he didn't think he had a heart any more. He couldn't believe what he'd done, couldn't stand to look at the hurt he'd caused the smaller boy. How had he let it get that far, let his anger take over like that. Harry hadn't even tried to fight back yet he'd just kept going. He was too strong, too big and Harry was small and thin and frail. Draco never hated himself more than he did now, even more than he did during the war.

There was a sudden burst of noise as more students rounded the corner and into the hallway they were in, gasps and screams reaching Draco though his daze. Then Mcgonagal arrived, ordering them about. Draco watched as Harry was picked up off the floor by Ron and Blaise, the two of them carrying him off to the hospital wing, and he was ordered to the head mistresses office. He didn't even care what happened to him. Nothing mattered to him any more. Not now that he'd done that.


	15. Chapter 15

'Weasley said he'll kill you if you step foot in that hospital wing, don't be an idiot Draco', Blaise said, putting his body in between his friend and the exit to the eight year common room.

'Get the fuck out of my way Blaise, I can't stay here and do nothing', Draco replied, his voice too high, almost panicky.

'I think you've already done enough, don't you?'.

Blaise looked at him, his eyes hard and angry.

'Blaise please..' Draco hated the pleading in his voice but he couldn't disguise it. He hadn't heard anything about Harry yet and he wasn't allowed to leave the dorms. Really, he was surprised Mcgonagall hadn't expelled him, he deserved it. She's just looked at him with sad eyes and shook her head, hadn't eve given him detention, just told him to go up to his room and stay there. Blaise was looking at him the same way now.

Blaise softened at the pitiful sight. He'd been up to see Potter and his friends this afternoon to check everything was ok.

'Look, they said he's gonna be alright.. well at least physically, poor kid. Madam Pomfery healed everything serious, a couple of ribs is all I think, but she said his system is too weak to handle many different potions and spells, said he hasn't been eating or something, I dunno. Bit bruised now is all, but that'll have to clear up by itself. Really Draco, they've only kept him in cause he hasn't woken up yet, he was exhausted apparently. Ron said he didn't come back to the dorm the other night'.

'What', Draco whispered, his mouth dry.

'Yeah, that night outside the library. He stayed out all night...'

'I didn't know..'

There was a guilty silence between them.

'How were you supposed to know? Its not like you can read his mind, and merlin know wants going on up there, he's been through so much shit'.

Draco rarely saw this softer side of Blaise, it was only when things got really bad did his friend let down his haughty Slytherin front. Draco didn't know what the fuck was wrong with himself, everyone could see what was happening to Potter and he'd just gone and made it worse yet still had the audacity to claim he loved him.

'Look Draco, I know how difficult this is, I really do man, but I think its best if you just stay away from him. You two don't even talk anyway'.

Draco opened his mouth in protest, he'd tried to stay away and distance himself after the last fight with Harry and look where that had led them too.

'Draco', Pansy said, shed approached so quietly they hadn't heard her coming. 'Draco, you showing up really isn't going to help him right now'. She put a gentle hand on his shoulder to spin him away from the door. Draco looked down at her with empty, nearly unseeing eyes. Of course, she was right, all he seemed to ever do was make things worse for Potter.

'I just need to see he's alright Pansy', Draco said, his voice breaking.

'He is honey', she said, and then, under her breath, ' or at least he will be when someone lets me knock some sense into the pair of you'.

Draco wasn't quite sure what Pansy meant, and he didn't think he really wanted to know. Better to just go and find somewhere to walls in his self pity and loathing if they weren't going to let him out. No one but his best friends would speak to him and he didn't blame them. He'd hurt their golden boy, even he hated himself right now. He'd never lost control like he had yesterday. Malfoys didn't lose control like that. He didn't think he'd ever forgive himself. It had just all gotten too much, watching Potter get thinner and thinner everyday and not being able to do anything about it, not even being able to talk to him, knowing the silencing spells still hung alive his bed each night and knowing why they were there. During the last few days -when Harry had said they couldn't be friends, the not speaking in class, the fight in the corridor - a whirlwind of emotions had been boiling up inside him and it had exploded when he'd seen Harry kiss that stupid girl. He couldn't really focus on anything other than what he'd done to Harry. Yeah, they'd fought before, hurt each other countless times in the last seven years, but this was different. Before, it had been schoolboy rivalry, stupid and always mutual. They'd always hurt each other. This time only Harry had been hurt, in fact he hadn't even fought back, didn't even try to stop Draco and it had gone way too far. Draco knew how terrifying the thoughts inside Harrys head were and he hated himself for making that pain physical too. Why didn't he fight back? He was the golden boy for merlins sake, he'd defeated Voldemort, why did he let Draco keep hitting him. This wasn't the Harry Potter he'd grown up hating, the Harry Potter he'd grown to love. When he shut his eyes the image of Harrys small, much too thin body on the floor flashed behind his eyelids and made his chest ache with anguish like he'd never felt. He reminded himself of his father who'd always so easily acted on his spite and anger and jealousy. Lucius Malfoy was someone he'd sworn to himself he'd never become. Maybe he should have been sent to Azkaban after all because clearly there was something wrong with him. How could he claim to be in love with Harry and still do something so terrible. It was time to face the facts for real. Harry would never love him, and as much as he tried, Draco would never stop loving Harry.

The first time Harry started to come round he really, really didn't want to wake up. He just wanted to drift forever, never have to think. The closer to consciousness he swam, the harder it was to not remember everything that had happened. Every part of him ached and not just from the bruises. He'd made Draco completely hate him. It was all his fault. Truth was, and he could admit it to himself now, he really didn't want to wake up to a world in which Draco Malfoy would never love him. The thought of Draco sharing his feelings was wholly and entirely implausible and Harry knew it. They couldn't even be friends and that was his fault too. The one person that Harry realised had been holding him afloat these last few months had now been shot out of the water and Harry had ruined any chance of saving himself from drowning. It would be so much easier to just let it all go now and never come back. It would probably be better for everyone if he just stayed asleep forever because he knew how much he was costing everyone, how much he was hurting them by just existing. He'd done what he was required of him, he'd defeated Voldemort and now he should leave them in peace to enjoy their freedom. Visions like dreams filled his days and it was starting to become too painful to stay awake, but it was too terrifying to go to sleep, so it was much better, to stay here, drifting. He let himself slip back into a heavy unconsciousness.

Next time he woke, he opened his eyes. It was dark, and without his glasses he couldn't see much. Unable to stop himself, he let out a small whimper, more out of annoyance at having awoken than anything else. Unlucky for him, he wasn't alone. Two pairs of hands were immediately on him, urgent voices, footsteps. Someone was gently stroking his hair, whispering soothing nonsense.

'Harry, its ok Harry...'

He shut his eyes tightly again. He wasn't ready to come back, he was still so, so tired.

Harry was more than shocked, when, two days later, he learned that it actually was two days later. He couldn't believe he'd slept for that long.

'I can believe it mate, you should've seen the state of you', Ron said, in an almost growl.

'And you were so exhausted to begin with, Madam Pomfrey said you just needed to rest', Hermione said, scowling at Ron disapprovingly. Thus far, they'd avoided the subject of the fight. He hadn't really said much, just listened to them chatter benignly but he could see how hard the pair of them were trying to be normal. Every time he thought about the war, or his friends, his parents or Draco the flood gates would open again and hit him like a tidal wave. Everything was wrong and it was all his fault. No one was happy, because of him, but they should be because Voldemort was dead. Since the final battle, he'd always had a small part of him that wished he'd stayed dead in the forbidden forest. It would be so much easier, peaceful. That small part of him was growing bigger and bigger these days, and Harry was scared it was going to consume him along with his dreams, and he'd be lost in a world of terror forever.

'You don't have to worry about him hurting you again y'know' Ron said suddenly.

They'd been sitting in silence for quite a while now and this was clearly what had been on Ron's mind.

'I'm not worried Ron', Harry replied, 'I provoked him anyway and I've only got a couple of bruises'.

'Yeah, that and four ribs to heal', Ron said, his voice rising.

Hermione wasn't saying anything, her eyes glassy with tears.

'We just had a stupid fight Ron', Harry muttered in annoyance. He almost wished they would go away and stop caring about him so he could totally sink into his misery.

'You just had a fight. Harry that wasn't a fight, he attacked you, he hurt you, he-'

'I'm more than capable of fighting back', Harry snapped back.

'I don't know if you are mate', Ron replied, his voice cracking, 'There's nothing left of you and it was like.. it was like you... you didn't even try to stop him'.

'I didn't try', Harry replied with a small nod.

Ron's hands clenched into fists over and over again.

'Why, Harry! Why have you stopped trying, I need you to try,

'Ron!', Hermione said in a quiet gasp, tears flowing freely now.

'Fuck, Hermione, he's dying, right in front of us, I know you can see it and I can't watch it happen anymore'.

'How can you say that! He's your best friend!', Hermione said, he voice shaking with too many emotions.

'I don't know what else to say! I don't know what else to do!'

It sounded as if Ron was close to tears now too, it was becoming all too much to take. Harrys heart was beating so hard in his chest, so he closed his eyes again It was sick but Harry had wanted Draco to hit him again and again, because at least he was seeing Harry. At least he was touching him, even if it hurt. But Harry didn't mind the pain, there'd been much worse and he'd survived. He really was beginning to loose his grip on reality. He blocked off the rest of the conversation, was only aware of the shouting but not the words. Eventually it stopped and he heard the door bang. His keyes flickered open. Only Hermione was left. Her face was red and streaked by the tears.

'He doesn't mean it Harry', she whispered gently.

'I know', he replied with a small smile.

'Mione', he said slowly, uncertainly, 'I love him'.

'I know Harry', Hermione replied, returning his smile.

Harry frowned in confusion. 'You know I mean Malfoy right? Not Ron'. How could she know that?

'Of course I don't think you're in love with Ron!', she replied with a small smirk,' Harry I've known you forever and you're easier to read than a book. I knew you loved him even before you did'.

Harry's breathing was shallow. What if Malfoy had guessed too? Then he'd be totally humiliated.

'It's ok Harry', she said, smoothing away the hair from his forehead.

'I don't know what to do', he said, tears welling in his eyes know.

'I know', Hermione replied, 'it's going to be ok, I promise'.


End file.
